Change of Plans
by Mrs.Curtis11
Summary: When Johnny moves in with the Waters family, who are middle class friends of the gang, he falls in love with Olivet, who he has been friends with since he was a kid. But what happens when Johnny gets a horrible diagnosis? Told from Olivet's POV. First story! Please review and let me know if it is worth continuing! Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders, only the Waters family.
1. Chapter 1

I awoke to the sound of rough coughing. Wiggling to extricate myself from the cocoon of blankets, I flicked on the light. There was Johnny, sitting upright beside me, unable to end a violent coughing fit. When his enormous black eyes registered me, they filled with such sincere remorse that I would've laughed if I hadn't been so concerned. For a while I just sat there beside him, rubbing his back. However, when a few minutes had passed, and he was still hacking his lungs out, I scrambled out of bed.

When I made my way to the kitchen, I filled up a tall glass with water, and returned to the room Johnny and I shared. Johnny was still fighting to stop coughing, but now my mom was standing next to our bunk bed, decked out in her old lady nightgown, talking to Johnny in a low, soothing tone. I handed Johnny the water and he managed a soft, grateful "Thanks" before eagerly gulping it all in about six seconds. Mom looked at him. "Johnny, I don't think you're going to school tomorrow." She said gently, before feeling his forehead. "You don't have a fever now, but it's likely that you'll run one soon. Anyway, I don't like the sound of that cough." My mom seems to think she's a doctor sometimes. It cracks us all up, but she actually isn't the worst person to have around when you're sick. Johnny looked at her, seemingly embarrassed. "I'm so sorry I woke you up." Then he turned to me. "I'm so sorry, honey." He seemed like he was about to cry. I just hugged him, refusing to take his apologies the least bit seriously. Although my mom loved him almost as much as she loved me, and logically, she probably should more (Johnny treats her a million times better than I do,) he couldn't seem to shake the feeling that he was some kind of burden to us.

Mom just beamed at him, and gave him a laugh to let him know that she, too, found his apologies worthless. "Johnny, don't ever say you're sorry for being sick. Now try to get some sleep. You'll get better sooner." With that, she patted his arm, then returned to her room across the hall. Johnny gazed at me again, but before he could say anything, I held his lips together with my thumb and index finger. "It's fine. Now are you going to be stupid and give me some apology you know I won't listen to anyway?"

He shook his head resignedly, so I released his lips, right in time for him to begin coughing again. When he was finished he started to say, "I'm really s-" but the look I gave him must have been so threatening he quickly finished with "sleepy." I kissed his cheek. "I know, sweetie. Just try to relax and go to sleep. I'll be right here." Then he grinned at me, and the shock of his paper-white teeth against his tan skin caused me to feel like I was melting. Even though we had been dating for more than two years, and he had lived with my family and I for many more, Johnny still made me feel like that. "I love you, Olivet." He was still smiling at me. "I love you so much." I beamed back at him and said, "I love you too, Johnny." I really did. After that he curled up with his arms wrapped around me, clutching me tightly like a little kid with a teddy bear. Soon enough his breathing was slow and heavy. I closed my eyes, hoping I'd be tired enough to fall back asleep easily.

There was going to be a quiz tomorrow in Math that I needed to do well on, because I was in danger of getting a B, which would mess up my perfect 4.0 GPA. Not that I'm uptight or anything. I just spend a large quantity of my time worrying about schoolwork and what I need to do to continue getting my straight A's. Everyone in the gang thought I stressed too much about my grades, especially Johnny and Soda, the latter being the greaser closest to me after Johnny. Even Ponyboy, who got the same kind of grades I did, thought I worried too much. Whatever. I wasn't as bad as Darry.

Johnny was always really proud of me for bringing home the report cards I did, but I knew that no matter what kind of grades I brought home, he would still love me more than anything in the universe. As much as I loved him.


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

**A/N: I make references to some T.V. shows that were not on in the 60's. This story is set in modern times. Please review and tell me what you think! Thank you to my reviewer. Your kind words mean the world to me! Thanks to everyone reading this story!**

Sure enough, Johnny stayed home from school the next day. I went in, took my math quiz, and it was actually okay. I was really glad it was Friday, especially since Johnny was sick. Despite being a tough greaser and everything, Johnny always got really clingy with me when he was sick. Honestly, I didn't mind. This was odd because I was a normally bad and germ phobic with people when they were sick, just not Johnny.

I figured we could spend the weekend watching _Scrubs, Welcome Back Kotter, and Parks and Recreation._ At 2:30 I hurried to meet my dad, eager to get home to my boyfriend. In the car I asked, "How's Johnny doing?" Dad buckled his seatbelt and started heading home.

"I didn't see him much. Most of the day he just stayed in your room, sleeping, I guess. I only talked to him once, when I went in there to take his temperature. He seemed pretty out of it and wanted to know how soon you were going to be home."

"Was he running a fever?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't too bad. 100.2, I think. You know-" He started to say something, but then stopped. This was unusual for my dad, who was usually keen to share his opinions, whether anyone wanted to hear them or not.

"What?" I asked, suspiciously. We had reached a red light. Dad looked over at me, and I was surprised to see a very concerned look etched on his face. Sure, Dad loved Johnny just as much as Mom did, but wasn't too eager to show it. After all, Johnny was his youngest daughter's boyfriend, who shared a bed with her. That would be enough for any dad to want to load up a shotgun.

Dad finally spoke. "He's been getting sick a lot lately, Johnny." He said this slowly, glancing at me out of the corner of his squinty blue eye, trying to gauge my reaction.

"He's not faking it to get out of school, if that's what you're implying," I snapped defensively. Johnny _had_ been sick really often lately. Just when we had thought he was completely recovered from this awful cold he had last week, he came down with this new virus.

"That's not what I'm saying," Dad replied. "Just because he's dating my daughter, and I automatically want to break his neck for that sometimes, doesn't mean that I don't know he's a good kid. I know he is. I just don't think it's normal for people to get sick that often."

When we entered the house, I set my backpack down near the door, kicked off my sneakers, and padded down to my room to check on Johnny. He was fast asleep, so I decided to take a shower.

After the shower, I had just changed into pajamas and was back in my room when I heard a soft "Hey." Turning to face the bed, I saw Johnny sitting upright, looking at me. He seemed out of it, just like Dad had said. His eyes were glassy and dazed, and it looked like he was having trouble focusing on me. I walked over to the bunk bed and climbed the ladder to the top. "Hey you," I said, pushing a stray piece of hair out of his face. It wasn't greased today; the only time he left it alone was when he was sick, so it had gone without grease a lot lately. I actually preferred it this way; it was much softer."How are you feeling?" I asked, settling down next to him.

"Lousy," he croaked. His voice sounded so groggy. I laid the back of my hand on his forehead. The boy was as hot as a stove! On closer inspection, I observed that he was drenched in sweat. How could I have not noticed that when I first came in? I grabbed the thermometer on the dresser next to the bed and stuck it under his tongue.

102.6. Crap. "Okay, Johnnycake," I said, trying unsuccessfully to keep the worry out of my voice. Like I said, I didn't mind taking care of him when he was sick, but 102 was a high fever. I wished my mom wasn't at work. "We need to cool you down. Here , let's get these clothes off." I stripped him of his sweatshirt, tee shirt, plaid pajama pants, and socks, so that he was only wearing his grey boxers. He hardly even seemed to notice what I was doing. Normally the sight of his bare skin would've caused my heart to do a total cheerleading routine, but now all I could focus on was how sick he was… and how skinny.

Johnny had always been small, both short and thin. It had never been something that bothered me. In fact, I had sort of a skinny guy fetish. Plus his height was really convenient. I'm pretty short, maybe one or two measly inches over five feet, thanks to my mom. My first boyfriend, the one I'd had before Johnny, had been well over six feet, even though he was only two years older than me. He had always had to pick me up, or bend down, whenever we wanted to kiss. After an extremely short time period, that loses its charm.

Now, though, Johnny looked emaciated. His ribs looked ready to pop out, and his stomach appeared to be going concave. His spine was practically popping out as well. Everywhere you looked, his bones were visible.

I'd known he had lost weight, but I thought it had been only a little. It's not too uncommon to lose a bit of weight when you're sick. I mean, you feel too crummy to eat much, so it only makes sense. But this wasn't a bit of weight lost from a few colds. This was something much more, much worse, eating away at Johnny.

**A/N: I know it's a little slow, but I promise I'll pick it up very soon. Thank you again for reading! Please, please, please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. Only the wonderful S.E. Hinton does. Thanks to everyone who's giving my story a chance! Please, please, please review!**

On Saturday, Johnny woke up at eleven. For some teenagers, this would be considered normal behavior, but Johnny and I both usually got up early. School had instilled in us that annoying habit. I wrote it off as a symptom of having a bad cold. Everyone slept more when they got sick, right? At least he seemed to have more of an appetite. Now hopefully he'd gain back some of that weight he'd lost, and stop looking like a skeleton. Although I repeated all of these things over and over in my head, I could tell I really was full of crap.

When I asked Johnny how he was feeling, though, he beamed at me. "A lot better. Of course that's probably because you took such good care of me. Thanks, Livvy," he said, staring into my pale blue eyes with his chestnut colored ones.

"That's fantastic, Johnny!" I grinned back at him. I felt his forehead, and grinned wider because he didn't feel warm at all. "But I really didn't do that much, it was mostly Mom, and the fact that you've been sleeping like a cat." Johnny wouldn't hear it though; he never thought I gave myself enough credit.

I leaned into Johnny and gave him a small kiss on the lips. "Although," I said, "I was kind of hoping we would be lazy today." When realization dawned on him to what I was saying, he blushed. Or as much as you can blush when you're that tan. Lucky jerk didn't have an Irish complexion.

We had brunch with my parents, who were both immensely pleased that Johnny felt so much better. Then Johnny and I went with my mom to take the dog on a walk. When we came home, we looked through a bunch of movies OnDemand, and settled on "My Cousin Vinny."

Johnny and I were curled up on my papasan chair together, laughing at the movie, which was excellent. I have a thing for Italians; especially Italian food… and Italian men. It makes perfect sense that Johnny's almost pure Italian. Suddenly I got really aware of him beside me. His thin fingered hands, his captivating eyes, with long, black, feather duster eyelashes, and his pink lips that looked so soft…

We hadn't really kissed much lately, because he'd been sick too often.

At the point in the movie where Joe Pesci is first being told by the judge that he needs to wear a suit to court, Johnny and I started making out a little. First, it was gentle and casual, both of us still closely watching the movie. Then, we really got into it. I guess I wasn't the only one who'd missed this. Plus, Johnny was a guy, so for him, it was probably, you know… intensified or whatever.

I shifted my body so that I was on top of him, and began kissing him harder, more desperately. All of a sudden, he gasped. Not in a satisfied way either. Like he was in pain.

I immediately threw myself off him, so that we were laying side by side, each breathing heavily, on the papasan chair. "Johnny, what's wrong? What hurts?" I was frantic; frightened that I'd badly hurt him.

"No, Liv, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong," Johnny said, trying to give me a reassuring smile, although he was clearly in pain.

"Johnny, something must have been wrong. Why did you gasp?"

"It's really nothing. My back just hurts a little. Don't worry about it. It's not your fault at all."

I looked, at him, concerned. He was now sitting up, one hand on his back. "How long has it hurt?"

"Just since yesterday. It's nothing, don't start worrying now." He kept trying to smile at me, but it was strained, forced.

"_Johnny,"_ I whined, indignant.

"_Livvy," _he replied in the same tone, blatantly mocking me. I wasn't buying it at all, his nonsense about being fine. He was still clutching his back, like my dad used to after a long day of work. Like Darry now does.

"I'm calling Adam," I said, perhaps a little stubbornly. Adam Hoult was a friend of the family, and, coincidentally, a doctor.

"So he can tell me that I'm fine? Olivet, I swear, I'm alright. _Please _believe me," Johnny replied. I wasn't the only stubborn one in this duo.

Reluctantly, I turned to him and said, "I won't call today, but if something else happens, if a new symptom pops up later, _you're going _to Dr. Hoult. Even if I have to kick your cute little butt all the way to that doctor's office, you _will _go. Understood?"

Johnny laughed, "You sound so much like Darry when you're being bossy." However, when he saw me glaring at him, he gave me a serious response. "Alright, I promise, if I have any more pain or anything, we'll go." When it appeared to him that I was satisfied with this, a playful look bounded into his eyes. "Now tell me more about my cute little butt," he responded, humor evident in his tone.

This made my face turn a deep shade of crimson. I told you; damn Irish complexion. "Well," I began, but before I could say anything more, my mom walked in. "Ooh, this is a great movie. Do you like it?" She asked us, completely oblivious to the conversation she had interrupted.

"Yeah, Mom, I love it. It's really funny," I had, in fact, loved the scenes I'd seen so far. Johnny nodded his agreement.

"Now why are you in here, Mom?" My mother has that irritating tendency common among parents to appear out of nowhere when you least expect, and want her.

"I wanted to know if you two wanted to go out to lunch. Maybe Rocco's?" This being one of my favorite restraints, I hastily agreed, and so did Johnny. Okay, my mom wasn't always terrible. Turning the movie off to finish later, we headed off to enjoy delicious pizza and a relaxing afternoon together.

**So, tell me what you think! If you're reading this right now, that means you're amazing. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to my lovely readers and reviewers! You guys rock my world!**

"Johnny." I shook him slightly.

"Johnny, come on, the movie's over, we have to go."

His body stubbornly kept him unconscious.

"Okay, come on." I started pulling him up, which was way easier than it should have been. This got him to give a small moan and, at last, open his eyes.

"Hey, sleepy. The movie's over. We need to get to the car, okay?"

Johnny only blinked at me, dazed, as we began to leave the theatre.

"The movie's over?" He repeated, confused. I felt his forehead, and sure enough, he was burning with fever. He had been fine for the past week; this had been our first date in a while. Just as we were nearing the door to exit the theatre, Johnny suddenly bolted away from me.

For a moment, I just stood there, stunned motionless. Then I internally punched myself when I realized he'd sprinted into the men's bathroom, and I had been just standing there like an idiot. I deliberated on what to do, but quickly decided to suck it up and follow Johnny inside the guy's room. _This_ one would definitely be embarrassing if I got caught.

Luckily, there was only one guy doing his business, and when he gave me a weird look, I gave him a sarcastically friendly wave until he turned away. Then I could hear it. A noisy, awful retching sound emanating from one of the stalls.

I followed it, and, to my surprise, was able to open the stall. I guess Johnny hadn't even had time to lock the door. Every inch of him was covered in sweat, and he was trembling. He looked at me and his pain was so obviously visible in his puppy-like eyes that I felt like I was experiencing it as well. Then he quickly turned away, throwing up in the toilet bowl again.

I sat down next to him on the cold green tile floor, which was unusual behavior for me. As I mentioned previously, I'm kind of an O.C.D. germaphobe, and public restrooms are one of the germiest places you'll ever find. But watching the love of your life puke his guts out kind of consumes the quotient of your brain that would otherwise be busy worrying about stuff like that.

"Do you think you can get to the car if I help you? I'll call someone to drive us home," I asked gently, when Johnny was finished for the moment. I stroked back a few strands of sweaty hair from his forehead. He nodded weakly, and I enveloped him in a hug, wishing I could do more, make him feel better. After I'd helped him off the floor, and we'd made our way into the lobby area, I stopped at a concession stand. I then turned to the chunky blond girl in her late teens behind the stand if I could have an empty popcorn bucket.

She glanced at Johnny, and then promptly handed it to me.

"Thanks," I mumbled subtly to her, trying not to make Johnny any more humiliated than he already was. Guiding him out of the theatre, I felt a tiny pang of relief, remembering that the car was parked adjacently to the theatre. Sitting Johnny in the backseat, with the bucket right next to him, I got out of the car and pulled my cellphone out of my purse, dialing Darry's number.

"Hello," he answered in his deep, serious voice. Whenever you called Darry it seemed like he was waiting for bad news. I guess that makes sense; he was the one who first got the call when the Curtis parents died.

"Hey Dar, it's Livvy. Are you at work?" I didn't hear any sounds of hammering or yelling in the background, which were usually indicators of this, but I wanted to be sure. It would be pointless to make him leave work when there were several other people I could call.

"No," he replied. "I just got off an hour ago. Only worked a half day today. Why? Is everything alright?"

I didn't really know how to answer that.

"Yeah," I said, trying not to work him up too much. "I was wondering if you could come pick up Johnny and I at the movies?"

"What's wrong?"

"We were on a date, but now Johnny's in pretty bad shape. Can you please just come?"

"Which theatre?"

After I'd given Darry directions, including telling him exactly where we were parked, I settled back into the car, into the seat beside Johnny. When he noticed me, he put his head on my shoulder and fell back asleep momentarily.

Before I knew it, Darry was heading towards our car. I opened the door as much as I could manage with Johnny still sleeping on me, and waved at Darry.

When he noticed Johnny, asleep, pale, drenched in sweat, his face fell.

"Hey," we both said quietly, as I handed him the keys.

As Darry drove and I was deployed as Johnny's pillow in the backseat, I explained everything that had happened.

Darry remained fairly quiet, but when he noticed the empty popcorn bucket he gave a meager grin.

"It's nice to know _someone _uses their head." It was clear that he was trying to make me feel a little better. This struck me as a bit odd, because out of the three Curtis brothers, Soda was always the one willing everyone to smile. But I still appreciated it.

I thought Ponyboy was too harsh on Darry. Like Soda, I refused to take sides when they had their various spats, but I admired Darry for choosing his brothers over college. Everyone in the gang (well, except Johnny) were like older brothers to me, but Darry was the most responsible; the best to have in a situation like this.

I was wrenched out of my little reverie by a retching noise. I snatched the bucket up off the floor where it had fallen, and held Johnny's head over it. Just in time, he threw up violently into it.

Darry glanced back, for once seeming a little unsure of what to do. I was a little out of my element as well; I wasn't really known for my amazing abilities to soothe sick people. Normally I was just trying to get away from them.

"Should I pull over or something?"

"No," I answered, surprisingly sure of myself. "That won't really help anything. Let's just get him home."

Darry nodded and continued driving. Although he _was_ the most responsible and was good to have in a crummy situation like this one, he, like me, wasn't that comfortable with sickness. It wasn't that it freaked him out or anything, like it did me, he just had no idea how to offer comfort. Whenever Ponyboy got sick, Soda was all over it: rubbing his back, calling him honey, all that loving crap. Darry would worry and make him soup, but wasn't really sure how to care for him.

Maybe that's why I never judge him the way Ponyboy does. I can relate to him.

**Any guesses as to what Johnny has? Please review!**

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! Special thanks to Zayhad for giving me my first favorite and follow! Enjoy!**

When we got home, and Darry had carried a still sleeping Johnny into our shared bedroom, and my mom had fussed on him, I ventured into our dusty, cramped office. Most of the papers in this room are either old documents from Mom's work, or papers from my elementary school days.

Sitting in front of the computer, my fingers hesitated over the keyboard, as if they had a mind of their own and didn't want to do this. Taking a deep breath, I typed "symptoms of cancer" into the search engine.

Clicking on a site that looked fairly reliable, I began to read:

Extreme fatigue.  Johnny had been sleeping constantly lately.

Frequent infections.  He had been sick so much recently.

Unexplained weight loss of ten pounds or over.  At this point my breathing began to get shaky.

Headaches and/or vomiting.  Maybe this was a nightmare.

Bone and joint pain. Definitely a nightmare.

Bruising or bleeding easily. He didn't have that! But what if he might and I just hadn't seen it?

I tiptoed into our room to find Johnny still fast asleep, wrapped up in all the blankets, stretched out on the top bunk. Climbing up onto the bed, I carefully, so as not to wake him, slid his shirt up to examine him.

Pleased to find no bruises along his chest or stomach, I looked at his back and my heart sank. On the upper part of his back, there were two prominent bruises.

I began to get the feeling that the walls were closing in on me. When I felt my face getting hot, I counted to sixty in French to myself. For some reason that always did the trick when I felt a panic attack coming on.

As soon as I felt like I could pass for a girl worried about her boyfriend versus scared out of my mind, I went into the kitchen to find Mom cooking dinner; enchiladas, mine being made with only cheese.

"How's Johnny?" She asked in a concerned, motherly tone as she put the enchiladas into the oven.

"Not any different. He's asleep, though, so I guess that's good," I said, hoping that my face wouldn't give me away. People who were close to me always seemed to have a strong read on my facial expressions.

"Darry told me he was throwing up in the car on the way back. Did he get sick in the theatre?"

"Yeah, I dully replied. "He'd fallen asleep during the movie and as we were leaving, he ran to the bathroom and threw up."

"Poor thing," Mom said sympathetically. "I'm calling Adam tomorrow morning. Johnny's been sick way too much lately."

I nodded my agreement, for once relieved that she was scheduling a doctor's appointment. It was about time Johnny saw a doctor. If he was as sick as I thought he might be…

Retreating back into the bedroom, I crawled back into bed next to Johnny. I just watched him sleep for an immeasurable amount of time. Maybe that sounds a bit creepy, but, whatever. I observed silently as his slight chest rose and fell, his face completely smoothed out. Nothing to worry about, his mind at rest and completely oblivious to the whirlwind taking place inside my own.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! Hope you like it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

The following morning, Mom called Dr. Hoult, as planned. He said he had an opening at 3:30 that afternoon. Since it was a Monday, I went to school and was able to get my homework done just before we had to leave.

Mom had come home early from work to accompany us to the appointment. She knew that Dad hated dealing with every kind of doctor, even a family friend, and that he probably wouldn't be capable of providing very much moral support for Johnny. I'd kind of gotten that from him.

When we entered the waiting room, Mom confidently strode up to the front desk to check us in. Johnny immediately collapsed in the weird blue thing resembling a couch. He had slept in the car the whole way there.

I went over and sat next to him. I never did this for my own doctor's appointments; I was always too nervous, added to the fact that sick kids had recently been there.

Johnny reached out a hand to me, and I intertwined my fingers with his. His hand felt hot, but that made sense because of his fever. Besides, my hands were always cold.

Staring at the fish tank directly across from where we were sitting, I was suddenly hit with a wave of depression. Whenever I had to come here, I'd always noticed the fish. So it shouldn't have affected me the way it did that one of them had a massive tumor. I just couldn't seem to get over the fact that these people who tended to sick children all the time didn't even seem to care that one of their fish was dying. It made me both sad and angry in a way I couldn't label, understand, or explain.

"Johnny?" The medical assistant calling us in was brunette, with skin and eyes the color of coffee mixed with milk, moles speckled lightly across her face, arms, and neck. She was donning pale pink scrubs covered with Disney characters. It looked like she'd stolen them from my older sister, who also worked as a medical assistant.

We all went inside room three, Johnny and I still having our hands locked.

"Okay, Johnny," the assistant said. "I'm going to have you hop up on the seat here, so I can take your temperature."

Johnny complied, and she stuck the thermometer in his mouth.

"103.2," she read, and I internally groaned. My mom's eyebrows were furrowed; even she didn't seem too calm at that moment.

"The doctor will be in to see you soon," the medical assistant said in her kind, clear voice.

"I'm sorry you're so sick, sweetheart," Mom said to Johnny. "Now at least we'll find out what's going on."

Johnny just sat there, not fully awake, eyelids drooping. When he started shivering, Mom came over and wrapped him in her jacket. I wished I could've done the same, but I wasn't wearing one.

Then we could hear the doorknob turning, and in came Dr. Hoult. Six feet tall, with kind of an everyman appearance, he greeted us all with a wan smile and a hello, and then quickly got down to business, which I was grateful for. I wasn't exactly small talk's most dedicated fan, even with Dr. Hoult, one of the few people who didn't annoy me.

"So, Johnny, I heard that you haven't been feeling too well lately," he began.

Johnny limply shook his head.

"What symptoms have you experienced?"

Since Johnny was so accurately mimicking a zombie at the moment, Mom spoke for him.

"He's frequently exhausted, has lost a frightening amount of weight, he's been sick constantly, and yesterday he was throwing up."

"He's also had back pain, and he has these random bruises," I finished for her, knowing she didn't have any knowledge of these symptoms. This was proven when her facial features rearranged themselves into a deep frown.

"Johnny, can you take off your shirt for me?" Dr. Hoult asked, jotting what we'd said down on his clipboard.

Johnny took the jacket off, and then proceeded to lift his shirt up gradually, like it was made of iron instead of cotton.

Seeing Johnny's emaciated upper body caused Mom to nearly let out a gasp. Even Dr. Hoult seemed like he had to briefly struggle to keep his expression serene and professional. As soon as he'd found the bruises however, he couldn't prevent a grim look from breaking out across his face.

"Alright, you can put your shirt back on," he said to Johnny, who sleepily did so. Then, Dr. Hoult scribbled something on a notepad, passing it to Mom.

"Look," He said, placing a hand on my mom's shoulder, his face a mask of solemnity. "They probably won't find anything wrong. On so many occasions, this is just a false alarm. I want you to go right now, though. We need to find out either way."

I craned my neck to get a look at the paper and realized that it was directions. John Muir Hospital Oncology Ward. Mom and I locked eyes, both immediately grasping what that meant. My heart sank as my worst suspicions became reality. Oncology. _Cancer._

**I know this chapter was relatively uneventful, sorry about that. Things will speed back up soon. Please review!**

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	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! Enjoy and, as always, please review!**

In the oncology ward, they wanted to give Johnny a blood test. I watched as a nurse stuck a needle into an unfocused Johnny. After that was over, they told us to just sit in the waiting room until they had the results.

We opted for a long bench, so that Johnny could lie down and sleep with his head in my lap.

Mom put her hand on my shoulder, and for once I didn't shrug it off, although, I admit, I kind of wanted to.

"I can't believe I couldn't tell," she muttered more to herself than me.

"You're not a doctor," I answered in an emotionless monotone.

"Still, my mom…" My grandma had fought several different cancers in her life, finally dying of leukemia.

"Livvy, I don't feel good," Johnny mumbled drowsily from his resting place on my lap.

"I know, honey," I replied.

"I wanna go home."

"Me too. We'll go home soon. This will be over soon," I said, hopefully soothingly, pushing his hair back and caressing his arms, trying to do something comforting.

We sat like this for a while, nobody talking.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we were called into the oncologist's office.

A tall tan, balding Asian guy with glasses was sitting behind a desk. He instantly caused me to think of a monkey. He was looking over some papers that I assumed were Johnny's test results.

When he noticed us, he gave a friendly grin, which I found out of place in this situation.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Ling," he chirped, still wearing his lunatic smile, offering each of us a hand to shake.

We each shook his hand and introduced ourselves. The smile persisted through all of this.

Then, he turned to Johnny and me, his eyes on our intertwined fingers.

"Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?" He now looked like an overly enthusiastic puppy, and I sincerely wondered if he would wet himself with excitement.

We just nodded, not knowing what to say to this man.

"Awww! You're such a cute couple! Bonus: you're both short! That just makes it cuter, if that's even possible!"

I looked at the opened bottle of fruit juice on his desk. Maybe he'd been slipped something.

"Are you going to actually do your job, or merely continue to fill us with inane chatter regarding our romantic relationship?" I asked bitingly. I didn't think I would like this guy.

"Olivet," Mom began, but Dr. Ling silenced her.

"It's fine, Mrs. Waters. I respect straight-shooters. Anyway, the results of the test conveyed that Johnny is anemic, meaning that the number of red blood cells in his blood stream has gone down. This leads to his tissues and muscles being deprived of oxygen. This is the main cause of his exhaustion."

He took a deep breath, and then resumed his explanation. This time however, he directed his eyes to Johnny.

"Your bone marrow, which is responsible for producing white blood cells, red blood cells, and platelets, is producing abnormal white blood cells. Now, the job of regular white blood cells is to fight infection, but these abnormal ones don't carry their weight, making you get all those infections you've had recently."

Mom's face was a ghostly white. We both know exactly where this was going. Dr. Ling resumed speaking.

"The reason they're doing this, Johnny, is because you have a form of blood cancer called acute lymphoblastic leukemia, or ALL."

I felt numb. Although I'd been practically waiting to hear them, I felt like the words weren't real.

Dr. Ling looked at us for a moment.

"I know this is a lot to deal with. There's more to tell you, but I'm going to step out for a while so you can try to digest this. I'll be right outside. Don't feel any pressure to hurry. Take all the time you need. Just come outside when you want me to come back and tell you the rest."

Mom quietly thanked him, and he exited the room, closing the door behind him.

"How are you doing, Johnny?" I heard Mom's voice saying this as through it was coming through a thick wall.

"Shocked, I guess," I heard him say faintly.

"Do you remember Olivet's grandmother having leukemia? I know a lot about it because of her," Mom said. I didn't know how this was supposed to console Johnny, but it wasn't likeI had anything better to say.

" Do you still want," Johnny paused, "me living with you? I can understand if you don't."

I couldn't comprehend what he was saying, and then it hit me. Mom got it at about the same time.

She said, trying to be serious, "Johnny, do you think that because you have cancer we want to _take you back _like a toy that doesn't work?"

Without being able to help myself, I let out a weak laugh. Then Mom laughed a little, and we all lost control. It only caused us to crack up more when we remembered that we were in an oncologist's office.

Mom called Dr. Ling back in and he talked about chemotherapy, the treatment we had decided to go with for Johnny. We scheduled an appointment for him to get the chemo on Friday afternoon.

Then we left the hospital, walking at a slow pace because it was obvious how sleepy Johnny still was. Sure enough, as soon as we got into the car, he lapsed into unconsciousness, leaning on me for support.

**Hope you liked it! Please review!**

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	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Review and enjoy!**

That night, we decided Johnny was too exhausted to have anyone over, but we knew we needed to tell the guys soon. Mom called Darry and invited him, Soda, and Ponyboy over for the next night, knowing the others would follow.

Most nights they ate at our house, anyway.

The Curtis brothers were the first to arrive. I hugged both Ponyboy and Darry, and then suddenly felt Soda squeezing the life out of me.

"I haven't seen you in forever," he complained. "I need to talk to you later." As I mentioned, was second-closest to Soda out of the gang, after Johnny. It was pretty unusual for us to go a few days without talking.

When Dally, Steve, and Two-Bit arrived, I hugged Two-Bit, high-fived Steve, and Dally and I nodded at each other. I knew he thought I was a goody-goody, but he was okay with me because I was Johnny's girl and treated him well.

We all sat down in the dining room, which my mom had laid out with a giant glass bowl of linguine, and an equally large portion of Caesar salad, with a mountain of mashed potatoes. She knew how the gang ate, and I could keep up with them pretty impressively.

Johnny was barely touching his food, which the doctor said would be expected. The only ones who seemed to discern this besides Mom and I were Soda and Ponyboy, the most intuitive of the guys, aside from Johnny.

Two-Bit and Soda were in the middle of some ridiculous debate. Normally I would have been bantering with them, totally at ease surrounded by my family. Tonight, however, I was tense, on edge.

After a while, everyone started noticing my unusual silence. Soda was the one who solicitously spoke up.

"What's wrong, Liv?"

"Yeah," Two-Bit added. "What's got your tongue, besides Johnny?" Normally this comment would have caused my face to impersonate a strawberry, and then I would have come up with a clever retort, but tonight I was having trouble being myself.

Mom started to speak, but Johnny looked at her, silently saying to let him do this. He turned to the gang.

"Guys, I have cancer," he said in a matter-of-fact way, like he was telling them that the earth was round.

Nobody spoke. Darry had a weary hand in his hair, Soda's eyes were enlarged like those of a frightened deer, and Ponyboy looked like he hadn't heard. Steve had his head in his hands, Two-Bit's sunny expression had clouded over, and Dally's face wasn't at all readable.

"What kind?" Ponyboy finally asked, breaking the silence. It made sense that he would be the one to ask that.

"Acute lymphoblastic leukemia," I answered, then explained what that meant. My words sounded like they were coming from a stranger, so calm and collected. Why hadn't I freaked out yet?

Soda put a hand on Johnny's shoulder.

"We'll help you fight this, Johnnycake," he said reassuringly. The rest of the gang gradually nodded in agreement.

I'd never been more grateful for Soda in the near decade I'd known him.

"That's right; we'll kick its caboose!" Two-Bit merrily shouted.

"You do have Superman on your side, after all," Soda said, motioning to Darry, who flexed his enormous muscles, causing us all to laugh.

Ponyboy smiled warmly at Johnny.

Dally said confidently, ruffling Johnny's hair, "We're gonna beat this f***ing thing."

Hopefully.

** Thanks for reading and, as always, please review! Do it for Johnny!**


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of the week leading up to Friday flew by. Originally it was only supposed to be only Mom and me going with Johnny to chemo, but when we had told the guys about it, they had all wanted to go, with the exception of Darry, who had to work.

I figured this might be for the better, since chemo was supposed to be pretty miserable. It would be good to have people there to cheer Johnny up. I didn't know how much of that I'd be capable of while watching him go through this.

On Friday afternoon, by the time I'd gotten home from school, all the guys, minus Darry, were already gathered at the house.

Dally, Two-Bit, and Steve decided to follow us in Two-Bit's car on the way there. Soda and Ponyboy opted to go with us.

In the car, Soda was turned around in the front seat, telling Johnny some story that kept making him laugh. Ponyboy was filling him in on some new book he'd read.

I was glad they were distracting him, because I had the same feeling in the pit of my stomach that I got before taking a final exam, multiplied by one thousand.

When we got into the oncology ward, we were directed into a large clean room where there was a nurses' station and several beds separated by blue curtains.

I could see the patients getting chemo; the women flipping through fashion magazines, some of the men sitting with their curtains open, conversing amicably with each other like they were life-long friends.

Johnny got a sectioned-off space at the end, near a man in his late sixties or early seventies flirting with his nurse.

Our nurse, Barbara, a rotund, middle-aged black woman, chose to kindly look past the fact we were composed of far too many people to be with Johnny in here.

"Alright," she said, once everyone had gotten situated in chairs and Johnny in the bed.

"You're going to need this," she said knowingly to Johnny, handing him a basin. "You're gonna throw up, the question is when."

I liked her.

"Well shouldn't you know?" Steve asked snottily. "Isn't that in your job description?"

Barbara turned to him with a look that clearly said: you've made a mistake.

"Listen here, honeychild. I've been on my feet for twelve hours straight. What exactly can you accomplish in twelve hours time without taking a break that does not involve your hand being shoved in your pocket? Now, unless you wanna fight me, which I assure you will not end well for you, I suggest you back off, put some more of that French-fry grease in your hair, and be there for your friend, who's gonna need it."

With that speech, Barbara won me over.

She inserted the needle into Johnny's arm, and then gave him a genuine smile. Her white teeth were stunning against her dark skin.

"Honey, I've got a feeling you're one of the brave ones," she said in a sure voice. "You're gonna beat this, and you know why? You're gonna fight for your girl." She then directed the smile at me, making me feel warm and much less panicked.

"I'll be right out there," she said, gesturing to the nurses' station. "Call me if you need anything at all."

I moved my chair closer to Johnny's bed and clasped his hand, ready to take this on.

** This is the first of probably three chapters I'm going to post about Johnny's first chemo treatment. Thanks for reading and please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys! Hope your Monday doesn't suck too much. R&R, and enjoy!**

"That nurse reminds me of Laverne, from 'Scrubs,'" I said to Johnny.

I was sitting in the chair beside his bed, watching the medicine slowly but steadily trickle into his system.

"You think so too?" Johnny asked. "Especially when she told Steve off."

Steve grinned ruefully.

A dreamy look had spread across Soda's face, like the jelly he spreads on his eggs, making them so repulsive.

"You think that means Elliot works here, too?" He asked, having a massive crush on the fictional doctor.

"I think I spy our little friend," Two-Bit said in a creepy voice, eyeing Soda's pants.

"You do not!" Soda argued defensively, blushing furiously. He picked up a car magazine Steve had brought and set it on his lap.

"Come on, man, are you actually hard right now?" Dally asked disgustedly.

Ponyboy glanced over at Soda, and then quickly looked away, his ears reddening and his eyes down despite the smile of amusement he was trying to hide.

"Great job, Soda. What's Darry gonna say to this?" He asked disapprovingly.

"'What's Darry gonna say?' Where the hell did that come from?!" I cried, and we all burst out laughing.

My mom, who had thankfully not been present for this little exchange, reentered the room, carrying food and a glass of water; setting the latter on the small table next to Johnny.

"I'm glad to see you all laughing," she said, handing us each some food. "Here, you should try to eat something."

I waved away the sandwich she was trying to hand me.

"I'm fine, Mom. I'll eat later," I said. For once, I wasn't really thinking about food.

"Are you sure?" She nagged. "They have some other things, if you want to go look…"

"I'm not leaving," I said firmly.

When she knew that I'd made up my mind, Mom stopped trying to get me to eat.

I addressed all the boys. "Okay guys: Amy Poehler or Tina Fey?" I asked seriously, like this was a dire question whose answer would affect the world. We played this a lot; the guys would either ask me who I thought was more attractive out of two actors, or I would ask them the same about two female celebrities.

Steve said, "Tina Fey."

Two-Bit and Soda, both being into blonds, chorused "Amy Poehler."

Ponyboy was about to state his preference when in a lightning-fast motion, Johnny grabbed the basin and noisily threw up into it.

I spied a box of tissues sitting on the little stand next to his bed. Plucking one out of the box, I wiped Johnny's mouth when he was finished.

When he started heaving again, I abandoned the chair and got into a sitting position in bed next to him.

Soda took the basin and held it for Johnny, which I thought was a brave move. I just sat beside him, rubbing his back, telling him it was okay, he was doing great, and this would be over soon. I have no idea how "you're doing great" is supposed to help someone who's throwing up, but it seemed like a comforting thing to say in the moment.

I don't know how long this went on. We'd think he was done, and then, relentlessly, his body would start heaving again.

Eventually Johnny fell asleep, completely worn out. It was at this time that Barbara came in, and smiled softly at the sight of Johnny's peaceful form.

Then, she looked at me.

"Olivet, how about we go get something to eat?"

I shook my head stubbornly.

"No. I'm not leaving him, I'm fine, I…" My attempts at protest were only met by the unblinking stare of a bossy woman with her mind made up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading! I know I say that all the time, but your interest in my story really does mean a lot to me. **** And, as always, enjoy and review!**

Reluctantly, I followed Barbara to the cafeteria. Without asking me what I wanted, she placed some food on an empty tray and found a table. The whole room was empty except for us.

When she realized that I had no intention of touching my food, Barbara sighed heavily.

"You need to eat," she said. "One of you in that relationship needs to be physically stable."

I started nibbling halfheartedly at a blueberry muffin.

"You love that boy?" She asked, after she'd made sure I was eating.

"Yep," I said, taking a small sip of Sprite.

It was such a no-brainer question, like telling someone your age.

"I figured, since you two are sticking together through this," Barbara said.

I paused, and then said, "Do you think it's silly? Us being teenagers in love and sticking together against everything frightening this world throws at us? I mean, if you think about it, we're like the characters in one of those corny novels about star-crossed lovers."

Barbara smiled, and then replied seriously, "No. I think almost everything else in this world is silly. I think it's silly that your boyfriend has cancer at sixteen. I think you two being together is one of the only things that's real."

She continued, "Besides, being teenagers has nothing to do with it. Never believe any of that 'too young to be in love' nonsense. I've seen couples so much older than you two let themselves break apart because of this. Now _that's_ silly."

"I like you so much better than Dr. Ling," I said wistfully, not really guarding my speech anymore.

"That man is one odd little coconut," she said, making us both laugh.

"But he's both an exceptional man and an exceptional doctor," she said earnestly. "He'll come through."

"We'll see, I guess," I mumbled. I'm not sure if Barbara heard me or not.

"You know what's weird?" I said. "I haven't cried yet. Or had any sort of meltdown whatsoever about this."

"Oh, don't worry, honey. You will," Barbara said.

I snorted.

"Wow, thanks for your reassuring words," I said, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. "You just lay it all out there, don't you?"

"Pretty much," Barbara said plainly, and then cackled at her own words.

"Okay, well now that you've consumed a little birdy portion of your food, I guess we can go back," Barbara said, standing up.

We walked back to the oncology ward with Barbara's arm around me the whole way.

** I know it's relatively short and Johnny wasn't in it, but I hope you still enjoyed.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everyone! Please read and review! Hope you like it!**

I shot onto the track along with my classmates. I was enduring my fifth period P.E. class, currently undergoing the form of torture they so casually refer to as the mile run. I had been placed in the second running group; between the six-minute racers and the people who weren't very adept runners, or were just lazy.

Wishing I could stop, but knowing that the faster I ran, the faster I would be finished, a thought struck me.

Johnny couldn't do this.

It's not like being incapable of running a mile is some tragedy up there with Kennedy getting shot or "Pushing Daisies" being cancelled. I mean I would have been jealous of most people unable to run the mile. But for some strange reason, I couldn't shake the uneasy feelings teeming in my chest, thinking of Johnny at home. He wasn't equipped to deal with this, and for some reason that really bothered me.

When we'd finished running, my friends and I decided to gather our breath on a bench in the shade. I just sat there and didn't say much. In fact I only spoke when they asked me what time I'd gotten.

Kallista, one of my best friends at school, asked if there was anything wrong.

"Just tired. Running sucks," I answered, trying to fake a smile.

She didn't ask anything else. After all, my friends all knew how much I hated running.

In French, I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

Sitting next to me, my friend Monica was much less easily convinced than Kallista had been.

"You're acting so weird today," she said, after I'd spaced out while we'd been supposed to be doing a speaking activity from the textbook.

"Did I do something?" she pressed.

"No," I said. "It's nothing personal. I guess I'm just off today."

When the bell rang, we walked out together.

"I'm sorry I was weird today," I said to Monica. "I guess I'm just tired. I get grumpy when I'm tired." At least _that_ wasn't a lie.

She assured me it was fine, and we said goodbye. I went to meet Soda, who was picking me up today.

He was standing at the side of the school, bouncing up and down, which was usual for him.

"So what did you want to tell me the other day, before, you know, _the news_?" I asked, once we were in the car and he'd checked that I was safely buckled. Every since their parents died, all three Curtis brothers had been obsessed with seatbelts.

"Sandy and I said it to each other," he proclaimed proudly, a wide grin stretched across his face. Whoever came up with the expression "grinning from ear to ear" must have met Soda before.

"Soda! You both admitted you're secretly attracted to Louis C.K.? Big step!" I teased.

"No, Liv, that's just you," he smoothly retorted.

I scoffed in disagreement.

"We said 'I love you' to each other," he announced.

I grinned back at him.

"That really is great, Soda. Congratulations," I said sincerely. A few years ago, this news would have caused me to turn green with envy of Sandy. But now I didn't really look at other guys besides Johnny. Well, ones who weren't on T.V., anyway.

"Thanks," he said, still grinning. "So how is your significant other?" he asked.

"He's…" To my surprise, a hard lump had risen in my throat. I could probably pass off as fine if I were with anyone else, but I was screwed because Soda happened to be one of the most sensitive and perceptive people I'd ever met. I wanted to go, home, escape to my room to cry under the pretense of having a lot of homework, but that wouldn't work; Johnny was there.

Soda looked at me, obviously having noticed the slight catch in my voice.

"Livvy…"

"He's great. So who else knows about you and Sandy?" I tried to sound cheerful, but my trembling voice was giving me away.

Soda made a quick turn, and before I knew it, we were pulling into the parking lot of the library. He kept driving until we were on the trail where Johnny, Mom, and I so often walked the dog. Soda parked, and then just sat there waiting.

Focus on how breathtaking it is out here, I thought to myself; count the leaves on the trees. Just don't cry, you can do this…

Then Soda gently placed a hand on my arm, and I broke, hot tears streaming down my face. Suddenly, I tumbled out of the car and started screaming.

"My boyfriend has cancer! The fucking love of my life has fucking leukemia!" I didn't care if there was anyone else on the trail who could hear me. I didn't care if the whole country heard. I ran over to a thick tree and began to kick it with gusto.

"That's right!" I heard Soda shout enthusiastically. "Kill that asshole!"

"Oh, I will!" I replied. I kicked at it repeatedly, with as much force as I could, throwing my weight against that tree. All the while, I was using an extensive vocabulary of swear words that probably shocked Soda. I wasn't deaf. I could hear Dally.

Then I collapsed on the ground, all my energy drained. Sobs wracked my body like an earthquake as hot tears continued to pour down my face. I felt Soda drop down beside me. He wrapped me in his arms tightly, rubbing my back and stroking my hair soothingly. He was kind of an expert in these kinds of situations. Although I didn't think he'd ever comforted a crazy lady screaming at a tree before. Hey, at least I was unique.

Soda's tight grip on me helped; it made the sobs feel less powerful. He was practically holding me together. I shut my eyes, burying my face in his warm chest.

I think I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes again the sun was setting.

Soda was still holding me, position unchanged.

"Hey," I said in a rough, hoarse voice.

"Hey," he murmured, scanning my face, probably waiting for me to break down again.

"I think I'm good now," I said, trying to persuade him the waterworks had ended. I _was_ feeling a little better, and I was breathing much more steadily. We got back in the car and headed him.

**The next chapter will be a continuation of this one.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! I'm thinking you might like this one a lot. I don't know, I may be wrong.**

When we got back to the house, my dad shot up from his seat in the family room.

"Hey. Where have you guys been? I thought you would be home by now."

He wasn't mad, just curious. He trusted Soda.

"We've just been at my house," Soda lied. "Olivet had a frightening amount of homework, and then we just watched T.V. Sorry we didn't call you."

"Where's Johnny?" I asked Dad.

"Asleep, I think. He was awake a couple of hours ago; I think he was waiting up for you."

A wave of guilt swept over me. Johnny had been waiting for me to come home, and I hadn't.

While Johnny slept, I showered and did my homework, then went into our room to check on him.

He was standing in the middle of the room. It was clear that he'd just woken up; he looked really groggy.

"Livvy?" He said when he saw me. He crossed the room and hugged me.

"I missed you," he said into my hair.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Soda and I just hung out at his place. We were afraid we'd wake you."

I hated so much to lie to him. It wasn't the same as lying to anyone else. With Johnny I felt like I was lying to a part of myself.

Soon Mom came home and we ate dinner. Or at least my parents and I did, while Johnny just sat with us. Then, Mom, Johnny, and I watched T.V. for awhile.

Since Johnny was exhausted, and after my full day of school, crying, and kicking a tree's ass, I was too, we headed to our room a bit earlier than usual.

While we were getting into bed I noticed Johnny shivering a little. I felt his forehead, noting that it was slightly warm, like I'd expected. Dr. Ling had mentioned that it was common for cancer patients to run random fevers, so I wasn't overly concerned.

"Just some chills," I said to Johnny. "No big deal, we'll get you feeling nice and toasty." I layered several blankets over us, ending with the comforter.

All this time I could feel Johnny's eyes glued to me.

"Livvy, how are you handling this?" he asked despairingly.

"What… warming you up?" I asked, beaming at him, trying without success to add humor to my tone.

"You know what I mean," he said. "How are you dealing with me having cancer? Is this really that easy for you?"

I froze, not knowing what to say.

"How are you so calm?" he continued.

"What are you talking about?" I bluffed. "Didn't you say that we were going to beat this?"

"No," Johnny said. "You said that. There's been no room for how I feel about it, because you've seemed to decide that I'm tough and that I'm fine with this. Now I feel like if I tell you how I'm actually feeling about it, I'll let you down because you'll find out your boyfriend's not some superhero. Sorry Livvy, but I'm scared. I'm so scared."

His tremendous, midnight-black eyes filled with tears. He continued speaking.

"Look, I know you're Wonder woman, and you're not afraid of anything. And that's one of the things I love most about you. But I'm not as strong as you, and you just need to let me be scared. You're the only person I've never felt like I had to hide from before, but now it feels like I can't show you how bad I'm taking this, because it doesn't seem like you're scared at all."

I looked Johnny in the eyes and confessed, "I kicked the shit out of a tree today, and then cried hysterically on Soda for hours, ending the whole ordeal with falling asleep on him. That's why I came home late."

Johnny gave me a shocked look.

"You cried?" he asked, disbelief evident in his voice.

"I cried," I said. "Johnny, I'm not calm about this at all. I'm so freaked out."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly.

"Because of what you said!" I answered. "Because you see me as Wonder woman, so how am I supposed to tell you that I'm not really as strong as you think I am?! Plus, I thought that if you knew how scared I really was, that would just make whatever you were feeling worse. It would be like some continuous circle of fright."

"No more crying to other people, alright?" Johnny said. "Cry to me. I know you have this shield up in front of other people that keeps them from ever being able to really understand you, but I thought we were better than that. I don't want you to ever hide from me. So if you need to cry, I want you to always come to me. Wherever you are, I don't care. I may not be able to run a marathon or anything, but I'm not going to let this thing steal my ability to be your boyfriend. No more lying to each other, alright?"

"Alright," I said. "And just so you know the same goes for you. I don't expect you to be a natural at handling this. Nobody is. And you could never let me down. Not ever."

"Thanks, Liv," he said quietly. We grinned at each other.

"Now let's get you some sleep," I said, noticing his fluttering eyelids, in a battle not to close that they were losing.

"Sounds good," he said. "I love you."

"I love you too," I replied.

I settled contently into his arms, closing my eyes. I felt as if a 900-pound weight had been lifted from my chest.

"Livvy?" Johnny said.

"Yeah?"

"Did you really kick the shit out of a tree today?"

"No comment."

** Thanks for reading! As always, please review! Come on, do it for Johnny! **


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey! Please enjoy and review!**

We were having dinner with the gang, and Johnny was actually having a good time, laughing and even taking mild interest in his food.

Two-Bit was in the midst of telling us a hilarious story about some blond he'd picked up, named Michelle.

The only catch was that she'd turned out to be a Michael.

As he laughed hysterically, Johnny absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair, and then widened his eyes.

The hand he'd brought back was clutching a loch of black hair.

"You needed a haircut anyway, kid," Steve said to him, trying to pass it off as nothing.

"Yeah, man," Dally agreed. "It's about time you got rid of some of that fluff,"

"You'll still be twice as good-looking as Two-Bit," Ponyboy added, earning a stuck-out tongue from Two-Bit.

Johnny gave me a searching look for confirmation.

"We'll shave it," I said nonchalantly, kissing his cheek before taking a bite of pizza. "You'll look like Matt Damon. You'll look hot."

…

"Ready?" I asked.

Johnny and I were standing in the bathroom the next afternoon. I was wielding a razor, preparing to shave off all of the hair that Johnny was so proud of.

"I guess," Johnny mumbled miserably.

"It'll be fine," I said.

He looked at me.

"Are you still going to think I'm cute when I'm bald?" he asked worriedly.

I laughed.

"Of course I will, Johnny," I said. "I always think you're cute. I think you're the most handsome guy in the world."

He smiled lightly, and then blushed.

"Okay, let's get this over with," he said, breathing deeply.

I carefully maneuvered the razor across his hair. It looked funny, unfinished in the mirror.

Finally it was over and we stood there, Johnny looking in the mirror with an expression of sheer horror.

"Hey, look at me," I commanded, tilting his chin towards my face, forcing him to look away from his own terrified expression.

"My boyfriend's sexy," I said in an amorous voice.

He grinned at me, but I knew he didn't believe it.

** I know that was really short, sorry! The next one will be longer!**


	15. Chapter 15

"You totally stacked the deck."

"You're just jealous because you always beat me at poker, but I always beat you at rummy," I replied, laying a set of three aces out on the dining room table.

It was Saturday morning a couple of weeks later, and Johnny and I were in the middle of an intense game of gin rummy.

Picking up a new card, Johnny said, "What do you want to do today?"

"I want to see how many more times I can kick your ass at rummy," I said in a jokingly combative tone.

"No, I mean, where do you want to go? Let's go out on a date," he said.

"Wouldn't you just rather stay home?" I asked, thinking about how lousy he'd been feeling lately.

I continued. "It's cold and flu season, there will be lots of sick people wherever we go, and your immune system kind of sucks right now. How about we just stay in and watch a movie?" I suggested.

"Or stay in and do other things," he said. "We could make out. We used to do that all the time. Come on, Liv, don't you want to anymore?"

"Okay," I said, and gave him a delicate kiss on the forehead, expecting him to laugh. But he was just frustrated.

"You know what I mean, Olivet."

"Johnny, honey, look at you. You're all sweaty and tired and all we've been doing is playing cards," I said, trying to keep my voice patient and affectionate.

"Are you even attracted to me anymore?" he suddenly asked. He was acting so unlike himself.

"You know how much I love you…"

He cut me off. "I didn't ask if you loved me. I asked if you were attracted to me," he said bitterly.

"Of course I am."

He gave a humorless laugh. "Right."

"Honey, why don't you go take a nap," I said as sweetly as I could manage, forcing myself not to fight with him. I wasn't used to this; we almost never fought, and on the rare occasions we did, I was the hothead and Johnny was the reasonable one. "You'll feel a lot better if you get some rest. You had a rough night last night."

This was true. "He'd woken up at 3am with a beastly headache. I'd woken up, knowing something wasn't right, to find him sitting upright in bed, holding his head together with his hands.

"Sure," he said angrily. "I'll just go and rest, like always. That's all I ever do anymore."

He stormed down the hall and into our room, slamming the door.

Knowing it was probably best to just leave him alone, I told Mom to check in on him every once in a while, and I walked out the front door.

** A little longer than the last chapter! The next chapter will be the second part of this one. Thanks for reading, and please review!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Here's the second installment of the previous chapter. **

When I'd gone halfway down my street, I realized I was still wearing my pajamas. I could have called Cherry, who we were all friends with now, for some clothes, but she dressed too nicely for my taste. I decided to call my friend Rashida.

Rashida was Darry's age, and I knew her because she was my ex-boyfriend's older sister. Even after I'd dumped her kid brother, we remained really close friends.

She picked me up and drove me to her apartment, and told me to pick out anything. She dressed like me; for herself, and for comfort, not other people.

"The pants will probably be a little long," she said.

"Yeah, because I'm not a supermodel," I answered, laughing a little. Rashida was more than half a foot taller than me. But it wasn't like that was a massive accomplishment.

"So what happened?" she asked, as I tried on a pair of shorts that went past my knees.

"Johnny and I got into a fight," I answered sadly.

"You guys never fight," Rashida said, trying to process this. "He's like, one of five people you don't hate. What made you mad?"

"No, it wasn't me, it was him," I said. It made sense that she thought I was the one to try to pick a fight. As aforementioned, I was the one with the temper, while Johnny was the gentle, sweet-natured, loving boyfriend who never seemed to get mad about anything.

I settled on some jeans Rashida still had from her shorter days, and a royal blue sweater.

When I'd changed, Rashida said, "You look so much better in that than me. I guess it helps that you actually have boobs." Rashida was the classic long n lean type, while I, in contrast, was short and curvy.

"I'd rather be tall and have your legs," I shot back.

"No, you wouldn't," Rashida said stubbornly. "So where are you off to?"

"Oh, I don't know. I just thought it would be prudent to get out of the house, give Johnny some space. I might go somewhere with Soda if he and Sandy don't have any plans," I said. "Wanna hang with us?"

"I'd love to, but I have a shift in half an hour," Rashida responded. She worked as a waitress, despite being a genius. Seriously, the girl went to college at sixteen and _graduated early._ She and her brother didn't belong to a particularly wealthy family though. Not exactly greasers, but not middle class either.

Rashida said to call her later to see if Johnny and I'd made up, and then hugged me and we said good-bye.

I called Soda and found out that, he was, in fact, free. Sandy was out shopping with some friends.

Soda picked me up and we drove to a trail with gardens everywhere, that Mom and I took our dog on all the time, to take a walk.

"So then he asks me if I even find him attractive anymore. I mean, isn't that what the chick in the relationship usually does? Actually, now that I think about it, when do real couples even say that kind of shit to each other? Isn't that just on TV? Johnny's never all, 'let's make out.' I'm always the lusty one. I mean, Soda, he either wanted to go out or fool around. _Fool around?!_ He was getting all tired and sweaty from _playing cards_."

Soda thought for a minute.

"Olivet, you're being pretty insensitive. You need to consider how insecure Johnny must be feeling."

"_Insecure_? Soda, he's not you," I said, laughing at this.

Soda glared at me. "Alright, I won't help you."

"No, please. Sorry for making fun of you. Explain it to me. Why is he insecure?"

"Well," Soda said, "Let's start with the fact that you go off to school everyday while he stays home."

"What does school have to do with this?" I asked. "Sandy goes to school and you don't."

"Yes, but I don't go by choice. Besides, I go to work. I'm still out doing something productive. Men have a strong feeling that they need to be out doing something. We have trouble being the ones at home."

"Okay, buddy," I said condescendingly. "First of all, Johnny's not a caveman. Second of all, you just took a giant dump on stay-at-home dads, and thirdly, your views are sexist."

"Olivet," Soda said in a patient, patronizing voice, as if he were explaining why three plus three equals six to a frustrated toddler. "It doesn't matter what time period we're in. If Johnny has a penis, I guarantee you he feels that way. Second: How happy is your dad with staying home? Third: It's not sexist, just honest."

"Whatever," I conceded grudgingly. "Anything else?"

"We've only just begun," Soda said, clearly pleased with himself. "Now let's talk about the looks. Oh, the looks."

"Again, Soda, he's not you."

Soda pretended not to hear me.

"Well, he's lost so much weight that any good feelings he ever had about his body are now shattered. Not to mention that he weighs about as much as your two-year-old nephew, who is also stronger than him. But even though he's skinny, his stomach's bloated, so he's most likely feeling like a skeleton with a beer belly at the moment. He's pale and sweaty, and the very, very worst part is that he's bald. You know how much having long hair means to us."

Soda continued. "He's puking all the time, and he feels so physically crummy that you're providing comfort to him, which he, along with everyone else who's ever met you, knows isn't a strong point for you. Plus, he subconsciously thinks it's his job as your boyfriend to be the one comforting you. Not to mention that you're about as sweet and soothing to sick people as a jellyfish."

He took a deep breath and then resumed his speech. "So, put yourself in his shoes. Which he never wears anymore because he never goes anywhere. How would you feel if you did nothing all day, you were stick thin, you had no hair, and the emotionally stunted love of your life was trying to provide the comfort of someone emotionally capable to you?"

I pondered this for awhile, and then said, "Sodapop Curtis, the only thing dumb about you is that you think you're dumb."

"Thanks, Livvy," Soda said appreciatively. "That's a real nice thing to say. So, how would you feel?"

I thought about how much I hated it when I was sick. How much I hated being pitied, worried about, being taken care of…

"I would be embarrassed," I said, a revelation blossoming. "I would feel…"

"Like you needed to prove yourself to Johnny by either going out or making out?" Soda supplied for me.

"Damn, Curtis, I must say you're a pro at this," I said, truly in awe. "Can you take me home now? I have something I have to do."

** Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Please keep it up!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! Please keep it up!**

Picking up a fourth pebble, I threw it to the window.

The curtains parted and Johnny, still clad in the same pajamas from this morning, opened the window, looking at me quizzically.

With the window open, I screamed, "Johnny Cade, you're the dreamiest guy in the whole world! Please go on a date with me!"

The corners of Johnny's mouth began to twitch.

"I'm not that easy," he said, attempting to contain his laughter. "If you're gonna ask me out, you have to do it proper."

He was really getting a kick out of this.

"Get down on one knee," he prompted.

Kneeling down, I began to speak in a girly southern drawl. "Oh Johnny, I just get lost in your eyes, and that mighty fine body of yours makes my lacy little panties just about drop to the ground. Don't get me wrong, I'm a good Christian, but my lord, there's only so much a hot blooded girl can handle!"

"Ask me to go study with you," Johnny said, still somehow managing a straight face. This is why he always beat me at poker.

"Oh, Johnny Cade, I think you're the foxiest boy in the whole school. Will you go study with me?" I cried.

"Get over here," he said.

Climbing through the window, I flung my arms around his neck, while still being careful not to hurt him.

"Well, will you study with me?"

"Yes," he conceded, grinning, and I kissed him blissfully.

"Olivet, I'm so sorry," he said when I'd paused for air. "You were right. I was worn out from playing cards and I really wasn't feeling good enough to go out or do anything else. Besides, you were just worried about me. I'm not mad at you, I'm just…"

"Feeling insecure and like I don't want to go out with you or kiss you because of your looks and how you're unable to go out or do much of anything anymore?" I finished.

"Well, yeah," he said slowly. I could almost see the question marks in his brain.

"I talked to Sodapop," I explained.

"That makes sense," he said, and we both laughed.

Then I spoke seriously. "You know that I'm always attracted to you right? I wasn't refusing to make out with you or go out because I didn't want to. I was just worried doing anything like that would only make you feel even worse. I'm never going to care about how much hair you have, or how much you weigh, or if you need to sleep a lot. So what you need to spend more time at home resting? We'll think of ways to make that fun. I mean, when we're married it's going to be in sickness and in health, so why not practice now?"

Johnny's eyes expanded so that they were impossibly wide.

"You want to marry me someday?" he asked in a meek voice, eyes glowing.

"Oh, Johnny Cade, you silly boy. I've had that planned for awhile now. Of course we're getting married."

**Hope you liked!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello my beautiful readers! Enjoy and review!**

A week or so later Mom got Johnny out of the house for a few minutes, under the pretense of taking a short walk.

While they were out, I got dressed, and, for the first time in a while, put on makeup. Normally I didn't fuss with it. Johnny had once mentioned he preferred me without or with just a little, so I only applied some light eye shadow, mascara, and lipstick.

I was dressed in a white hat, short white dress, stethoscope (courtesy of my sister), knee-high white sheer stockings, and white heels (courtesy of Cherry.)

I hoarded candles like an old lady, so that part was easy. I lit up every candle I had, arranging them on the deck outside. Then I carried my CD player out, and flipped through Johnny and I's extensive music collection until I found the Elvis CD I was searching for.

As I rubbed yet another layer of berry-scented lotion on my arms and legs, and brushed my hair again, I felt oddly nervous, yet exhilarated, like I was about to go on a roller coaster.

When I heard the front door close and footsteps approaching, I changed the song to "Can't Help Falling in Love" and tried unsuccessfully to steady my shaking fingers.

As Johnny walked outside (Mom had instructed him where to go) and took in the sight before him, his jaw literally dropped. I guess the combination of the candles, the music, the sun beginning to set, and the slutty nurse's outfit could easily overwhelm any guy, especially one like Johnny.

"Are you ready for your checkup, Mr. Cade?" I asked.

"What is this?" Johnny asked when he could finally speak.

"I wanted to show you that the romance in our relationship isn't dead and that I still feel the same way about you that I always did, and we don't need to go out to have a date…"

I was cut off when Johnny kissed me.

"Thanks, Livvy," he said meaningfully. "You look real pretty."

I turned a deep shade of red.

"Thanks," I said, still blushing. "Do you want to go to dinner now?" I led him to the trampoline, where there was a picnic blanket spread. There were boxes of Japanese takeout with two of our fancy china plates.

I helped Johnny onto the trampoline, and we began our date.

** Yes, it's short, but there's another one!**


	19. Chapter 19

Someone's hand was on my arm, shaking me. I opened my eyes to find Johnny holding a tissue to his nose, panic in his eyes.

"It won't stop, Liv. It's been bleeding for so long and it won't stop."

I became fully awake as understanding of the situation dawned on me.

Johnny grabbed another tissue, swapping it with his current one, which was now soaked through with blood.

"Okay, Johnny," I said, trying to keep my voice calm, knowing how terrified he was. "I need you to lean forward while you hold the tissue to your nose, alright? I'll be right back."

I practically jumped out of bed in my haste to get into Mom's room.

"Johnny's having a nosebleed we need to go to the hospital," I said, all in one breath. My dad, an insanely light sleeper, had also woken up by then. Mom told me she just need to get dressed, so I went back and put on the first shoes I could find, which happened to be combat boots. I was wearing red pajama pants with snoopy all over them, but I didn't even consider changing. Taking a box of tissues and an old bowl we never used anymore, I helped Johnny to the car.

Dad drove, since he was faster than Mom, while she rode in the front. I sat in the back with Johnny. The lit up numbers on the car's clock informed me it was four oh six am.

I told him to try and relax while I kept the tissues pinched on his nose.

At one point, he started to cough up the blood, so I placed the bowl under his chin.

It was Barbara who first noticed us when we arrived in the hospital.

"Nosebleed," she said. She stated this instead of asked; after all, it was pretty obvious.

"Yeah," I said.

She got Johnny into a room, settled him into a bed, and then hooked him up to several machines.

I picked up a chair, set it right next to Johnny's bed, and held his hand, although he was already unconscious.

**Hope you enjoyed the both the chapters. I decided to post two since they're both so short.**


	20. Chapter 20

Someone was saying my name softly, trying to wake me up. My first thought was Johnny.

"What's wrong, what…?" I stood up and started fumbling around, with no idea as to what I was doing, trying frantically to decipher the machines.

"No, sweetie," Mom said, turning me around to face her. "It's a little after six. I need to know if you're going to school or not."

Oh. I did have two important tests today…

"No," I said firmly, not caring at all about school for once. Despite the circumstances, it felt strangely liberating, knowing what was most important to me. Important had been completely redefined.

I noticed Dr. Ling asleep in a chair near mine.

I looked at my mom and she only shrugged, so I shook Dr. Ling. Immediately his eyes flew open. I guess doctors have to be light sleepers.

Rubbing his eyes, Dr. Ling said, with no explanation for having been asleep in his patient's room, "We were able to stop the bleeding for now, but Johnny's going to have to get a blood transfusion; nosebleeds in leukemia patients are caused by lack of blood cells. Would either of you be interested in donating blood? If so, you'll need to tell me your blood type."

Mom and I both said "yes" without second thought.

"I'm type B, but we need to test Olivet," Mom said.

"Alright, well, Mrs. Waters…"

"Call me Anne."

"Anne, I'm afraid you won't be able to donate to Johnny, since he is a type O, and can only receive from other people with O blood types."

"Test me," I said impatiently.

"Barbara will be here momentarily to take the blood," said Dr. Ling, and he was off. There was a stitching of a kangaroo carrying its baby in its pouch sewn on the back of his coat.

Barbara bustled in, leading me out into a smaller room to perform my blood test.

I recounted the events of last night: waking up to Johnny's horrified expression, my dad speeding to get to the hospital, as I tried to stop the bleeding. I didn't describe the experience in medical terms, as you normally would to a doctor or nurse, but like you'd describe it to a trusted friend. Barbara listened attentively, not interrupting once, while she cleaned my arm. For such a loud, stubborn woman, Barbara was a wonderful listener.

Before inserting the needle, Barbara looked at me and asked, "You're not gonna go all psycho on me when I stick you, are you?"

"No," I said assuredly. Needles were one fear I didn't have to face.

"Didn't think so," she said, sticking the needle in. "Just had to check. I have some stories."

"I'd like to hear those sometime," I said.

"No, you wouldn't," she contradicted, making a face. "Alright, don't get all murderous on me," but you need to lie down for a few minutes."

"Barbara…"

"Don't ruffle your feathers at me, little birdy. I didn't make the rules," she said in the sassy tone I'd gotten so used to hearing.

She sent the blood off to get tested, and then sat down beside the little cot I was in. My plan wasn't really to stay here, of course. I would go back to Johnny's room as soon as Barbara left, but she didn't.

As if reading my mind, she said, "I don't think so, crazy white girl. I know the minute I leave you're just gonna sneak off to your boyfriend's room. I've told you before; one of you gotta be able to stand up. You ain't gonna do him much good if you're passed out."

I gave up; curling up in the cot. I suppose the weakness had settled in, because I was able to close my eyes for a few minutes, until the guys arrived. Barbara then let me get up, and tested each one of them.

When the blood work came back, Soda was the only one with type O blood. Without any hesitation, he agreed, and Johnny was given the transfusion.

**Please review!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys! I'm totally uninformed about cars, so if the first part makes no sense that's why.**

"On this Mustang, the four-barrel quads are exceptionally large. They…" I yawned massively. "They make this model faster than any others before its time."

It was the next evening, and Johnny remained unconscious after his blood transfusion.

"It has twice the horsepower of the new Sienna…" I yawned again, forcing my eyes to stay open.

"…and is more attractively built," I heard a voice close to me say. Soda had slipped into the room, and had stolen the magazine from my hands, pulling up another chair next to the bed.

I gave him a look, and he just responded with, "You weren't reading that with any conviction. Pretty obvious you don't know what any of it means. Plus you're yawning like a frog trying to catch a fly."

He continued to read, while I sponged Johnny's face tenderly with a wet towel. He was now occasionally saying my name in his sleep.

Soda tried to get me to leave- get some food, go home for a while, etc., but I refused. Even Mom had gone home to sleep in her own bed for a night.

"What if he wakes up, and I'm not here?" I said obstinately. "I'm not leaving."

Just when I thought I might doze off, Johnny's eyelids began to flicker, and he said "Livvy?"

"Oh, Johnny!" I cried, relief flooding my entire body. "I'm here, I'm right here, honey."

I got up so that I was standing over his bed.

Soda grinned at Johnny and promised to visit later, leaving the room just as Barbara entered. She, too, smiled to find Johnny awake.

"Look who's up," she said happily, coming closer to check on the machines connected to Johnny, gently smoothing his hair back and adjusting the pillows.

"You missed so much," she said, in a falsely gossipy tone. "First of all, a pop star wore a slutty outfit, then someone criticized the president's newest decision. Oh yeah, leather shorts are back in style! Good thing, too, because, I don't know about you, but they were just sitting there collecting dust in my closet."

"Barbara, you're the greatest nurse ever," Johnny said appreciatively, for once, not being reticent about his feelings with someone besides me, leaning back on his pillows.

"Ditto," I agreed.

"Well, you're okay too," Barbara said fondly. "You _and_ your crazy girlfriend."

Johnny turned to me. "You look like shit."

"Look who's talking," I shot back. _He_ was the one lying in a hospital bed. Yet the boy was worried about me. And Barbara said _I_ was crazy.

"You haven't been sleeping, have you?" He asked this in the same tone of voice a mother would use to ask her careless son if he had cleaned his room.

"That girl must have gotten under an hour of sleep altogether in the past two days," Barbara said, totally betraying me. I narrowed my eyes at her in a futile attempt to look mad. She just widened hers in a _so what_? way and left.

"Get over here, already," Johnny said to me.

For once I didn't protest. I curled up with Johnny in the bed. I hadn't expected it to be _so_ soft and comfortable. Johnny turned on the T.V., but before I could even figure out what was on, I had fallen asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a couple of days. I have a terrible case of writer's block. This chapter is a little different because it is a flashback from when Olivet was with her first boyfriend, and is told from Johnny's POV. So it's a little out of my comfort zone, but I enjoyed writing it and it temporarily wrenched me out of my horrid block. Anyway,** **please enjoy and review!**

Johnny's POV (Flashback)

It was early February, about a week from Olivet's birthday, when her boyfriend Joel meandered over to me. I was sitting out on the porch swing in the backyard, trying to give Olivet and Joel some space.

I didn't like Joel. Gosh, he was a nice guy and everything, but every time he touched Livvy I just wanted to take a swing at the guy. I just kept saying to myself that it was because I had grown to be like Livvy's older brother, us living together and all. But the piece that didn't fit was that the rest of the gang were like older brothers to Liv too, and they liked Joel just fine. In fact, they thought he was a really good guy. So why didn't I?

Anyways, Joel started talking to me.

"Hey, Johnny. How've you been?" he asked, giving me a friendly grin, acting like we were buddies. I guess he thought we were. Why did he have to be so nice to me? It just made him grate on my nerves even more.

"Hey, Joel. I'm fine," I said, concentrating real hard on not stuttering. The guy already made me feel like enough of a joke as it was. He was more than a foot taller than me. He made Darry look like an elf. He was muscular; as big as a bear, while I had the body of a six year old girl. The odd thing was, though, our faces looked kind of alike. Our skin was the same exact shade of tan, and our cheekbones were kind of set the same way. Our eyes looked a lot alike, too, only his were a bit smaller. But he looked twenty-five while I looked twelve, and we were the same age.

"So, Livvy's birthday's coming up soon," he began.

"Yeah," I agreed, having no clue what he was getting at.

"I have no idea what to get her, Johnny," Joel said, his voice suddenly desperate, sitting down beside me on the swing. He seemed real stressed suddenly. "She's been acting so cold and distant lately," he went on. "Maybe, if I could get her something really great…"

"I was wondering," he continued, "if you had any ideas. I mean, you and Livvy have gotten pretty close, right? Living together?"

"Uh…" I did have her present. I'd had it for months.

There was this book called The Christmas Day Kitten that Olivet's mom used to check out from the library every year a few days before Christmas, and read it to us. That had been Olivet's favorite book, but eventually the library had stopped carrying it. Olivet's mom had looked and looked, but it had gone out of print and no one was selling it anymore.

Recently I had started searching for the book. I'd gone with Ponyboy after school, and on weekends, to practically every book store in the state, knowing how happy it would make Olivet. She'd give me that smile of hers that made my face feel like it was right next to a fire, and then she'd probably hug me and I'd get to smell her hair. It always smelled like raspberries and rain.

Finally, I'd found The Christmas Day Kitten in some obscure bookstore. I'd learned how to wrap presents from Olivet's mom, then wrapped it myself and saved it for Livvy's birthday.

I thought for a minute, wondering what to do.

When Joel had said "I love you," Olivet hadn't said it back. I knew she still hadn't. If he gave her the book…

I told Joel to follow me, and then I dug the book out of the hall closet. I knew if I hid it in our room, Olivet would find it. She was like a crime dog, sniffing for presents.

I handed Joel the book, swallowing the tight lump that for some reason had formed in my throat.

"Here, give her this. It was her favorite book when we were little, but it went out of print. Pretend you remember her telling you. She'll love it."

Joel grinned at me. "Thanks a lot, Johnny."

I nodded and said, "Don't worry about her being cold either. She just is sometimes. It probably isn't even about you. She'll come around."

Joel smiled again, and then receded out the door.

…..

A few days later we had Italian food for dinner to celebrate Olivet's birthday.

When she unwrapped the book, Livvy clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes popping out in disbelief.

"One hard emotionless rock begins to break," Two-Bit narrated. "Your move, Darrel."

"I'm not crying," Olivet protested, but as she said it I noticed the wetness in her eyes. They looked like two mini blue lakes. "This was just my favorite book as…" her voice broke. "…as a little kid," she whispered.

"How did you know?" she implored Joel. His eyes met mine for a moment, and then his gaze returned to Olivet.

"You told me once. I guess I just remembered."

She grabbed him in a hug and everyone made "aw" sounds. I looked down, wanting to cry because the only thing I'd gotten her was a candle holder.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey my amazing, gold readers! Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoy your interest in my story. As always, please review! And to my friends who I just told about this story: don't kill me!**

A few weeks later we went to my nephew's birthday party. I'd told Johnny that he could just stay home if he wanted, but he assured me it would be fine. I knew he wanted to see James, my nephew, who adored and emulated him.

When my brother opened the door, surprise registered on his face when he took in Johnny's gaunt appearance. We'd told him and my sister-in-law awhile ago, but he hadn't seen him with his head shaved before. Johnny was wearing a baseball hat, but you could still tell, especially if you'd known him before; his hair used to be so long.

Noticing us, James, clad in a button-down shirt and tie, barreled straight towards Johnny, completely ignoring the rest of us.

"Jah-knee!" he yelled excitedly. He outstretched his arms for Johnny to pick him up.

"Hey, big guy!" Johnny exclaimed, about to accommodate James, but then Mom gently reminded him that he couldn't. Dr. Ling had stressed that Johnny was not to pick up any animals or kids.

Johnny's face crumpled. He looked like a rejected puppy.

"Sorry, buddy, I can't," Johnny said in a soft, dejected voice. I subtly patted his back, and he sent me a weak 'it's ok' kind of smile.

James looked nearly as disappointed as Johnny.

I helped Johnny to the couch, while trying to not bring too much attention to the fact that he needed helping.

The way Johnny so exhaustedly sank into the couch suggested that he had been walking several miles in the desert, versus having only gone from the car to the sitting room.

My sister-in-law's mother hurried over to where we were sitting. At once, she began interrogating us about Johnny's treatment.

"How are you two handling this as such a young couple?" she asked in a bullshit sympathetic tone.

"Oh, we don't let it get in the way of our raging hormones, if that's what you mean," I said in a fake chatty voice. "I have a saying: puke only once today and you can get to second base."

The woman pretended not to be scared shitless, but quickly left the sofa with some excuse involving cupcakes.

Her father was quick to replace her. Well, actually that's not really accurate because the man's a dinosaur and isn't quick to do anything. Yeah, I know, kind of a double-standard: Johnny's allowed to walk pokily but I'm making fun of this old man for it. Sue me; I make fun of old people for their various disabilities. For the record I also laugh my ass off when I see little kids fall. That's just the way I am and I don't ever want to change.

"How many more brothers have you got coming to this thing?" he asked loudly, as if I were the one who had trouble hearing anything anyone said no matter how close the speaker's proximity to myself. Oh yeah, I forgot. He thought the guys were all my biological brothers. Including Johnny.

Seemingly getting the same idea as me, Johnny slyly asked, "Don't you have a kiss for your big brother?"

"Oh, you bet I do!" I proclaimed, and then launched myself onto Johnny right in front of the old man.

When we broke apart, using all our self restraint to not to burst apart laughing, the old man didn't seem very troubled by what had just taken place between the two individuals he thought were brother and sister. That's frankly disturbing. It raises the question: What the fuck went on between siblings back in his day? That makes Soda and Darry's backrubs almost seem normal.

I noticed Rashida had left the room. She had come with us because at these shindigs I preferred to have lots of people I knew to talk to. Besides, she had a free ticket to any of my lopsided "family functions" because everyone had been so crazy about her brother.

For a while we just sat: eating cupcakes, watching my wild nephew tear open his presents, talking to my sister, brother-in-law, niece, and the members of the gang who had showed up: The Curtis brothers and Two-Bit. Except Darry, who had mysteriously disappeared. At one point I noticed Johnny shutting his eyes tightly, like he was in pain.

"You okay? Do you want to go home? Hospital? What do you need?" I asked concernedly.

"I'm alright, just a little headache, that's all," he replied nonchalantly.

I watched him for another minute. "Want me to get you some Tylenol?"

He looked like he was going to say no, but then he seemed to think better of it.

"Yes, please."

I padded down to the bathroom to get the pills. Opening the door, I squeaked in shock.

Rashida was perched upon the sink, her legs wrapped tightly around Darry's waist, kissing him furiously. Her skirt had been thrown in the bathtub along with Darry's pants. There were murmurs of "oh yeah," and lots of moaning.

Darry was just unhooking her bra when they discovered me, awkwardly standing in the doorway, too shocked to move. Their eyes widened all deer in the headlights style.

I shut the door, laughing.

"I'm sorry," I heard Rashida say. "Did you need something?"

"Um," I began, "I was just gonna get some Tylenol for Johnny, but…"

"Oh, here," Rahida said. The door opened and out flew the Tylenol.

"Do we need to stop, or…" Darry asked stupidly.

"No, just keep on doing what you're doing, uhhhh, have… fun." I said, then ran back into the living room.

I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. Tears were streaming down my face. I handed Johnny the Tylenol.

"You have no idea what I just went through to get this for you," I told him, trying my best to look and sound solemn, but failing miserably on both accounts.

I turned to Soda, who was now sitting with Johnny, and, making sure nobody but us three could hear, said, "Your responsible older brother is going to Funky town on my responsible older brother's fine home furnishing."

His eyes widened and then he, too, began laughing hysterically.

"Darry hasn't had sex since…"

"… since the Lincoln administration," I supplied for him, still giggling uncontrollably.

Two-Bit came over and, with an eyebrow cocked suspiciously, asked what had happened. But we just shook our heads. By the time we left, Soda, Johnny, and I were all breathless from laughter.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey everyone! Two more flashbacks! This may be the last chapter with flashbacks, but if you really like them, tell me in a PM or review and I will consider including another.**

** Johnny's POV (Flashback)**

Olivet laid her head on my chest.

"I'll get off in a minute, I just can't get comfortable."

We were stretched out on her mom's bed, watching _The Simpsons_. The blazing summer heat burned through the glass door.

Olivet coughed on me.

"Sorry," she said, embarrassed, moving her head away and coughing into her arm. She'd had whooping cough for nearly two weeks now. As you can probably tell from the title, whooping cough involves constant coughing. There's also a fever from time to time, and overall, when you have it, you feel miserable.

Every night since she'd gotten sick, Olivet had woken up; unable to stop coughing. She had mild asthma. It didn't give her much trouble, except for when she got sick and had a cough like this. Then it made everything even worse.

I'd always wake up with her, which drove her crazy. Olivet was an independent person who hated to bother other people with her own problems. She also had so much pride; she thought being sick made her weak and vulnerable; the things she thought were fatal flaws.

As soon as she returned her head to my chest, Livvy broke out in another coughing fit.

"I'm sorry, I'll just move over here, stop coughing all over you," she said, transporting herself to the other side of the bed.

"No, it's alright. Go for it," I said, for some reason not wanting her to move.

"Johnny, are you sure? I don't want to get you sick…"

"We already sleep in the same room, so if you're going to get me sick, you probably will anyway. It's okay. Go ahead."

She reverted back to her previous position, saying, "Thanks. You're actually a really comfortable pillow for such a bony little guy."

Since she had a fever combined with the summer heat, Olivet was clad in only a short sleeve button-down shirt that used to be her grandpa's. It wasn't buttoned all the way up, and the front of her blue bra was visible. I wondered if she knew I could see it, or if she even cared. Maybe she considered me so out of her league that she didn't even think about it. You know, how girls treat their gay guy friends. Her smooth bare legs overlapped with mine.

I'd never seen anyone with eyelashes like Olivet's. They were abnormally long, but looked shorter because part of them were blond, the other half brunette. Her hair, which was just starting to grow out from her chin-length cut, was tied loosely in a messy bun-ponytail. Strands clung to her sweaty forehead. Without thinking at all about what I was doing, I bent my head down and pressed my lips against one of the places her hair had stuck to.

Immediately, I clenched up, scared of what she would do. What was wrong with me?

"Sorry, I…"

"No, Johnny, do it again, that feels _amazing."_

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"I mean, uh…" she stumbled over her words, knowing how that had sounded. "Your lips feel really cool, and my forehead is _burning up._ Would you…" she faltered. "Would you mind kissing me there some more, or am I too sweaty and gross for you? I know it's kind of an odd request, but it feels _awesome."_

"Sure," I said easily, trying to sound casual, like I just had beautiful girls with boyfriends and whooping cough ask me to kiss their sweaty foreheads repeatedly every single day of my life.

Tentatively, I leaned down and kissed her forehead again.

"Oh yeah, _that's_ the stuff," she purred, leaning into me with a contended sigh.

I felt a blush creeping its way into my face. If Joel came over to visit Livvy right now, I'd probably have to learn to live without hands. Livvy was anxious about getting better because she was supposed to go to Oregon in a week to meet his father and older sister.

"Johnny?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah?"

"I have a question to ask you but I'm not sure if I should. If I'm being rude you don't have to answer." She yawned into my shirt.

"Okay, go ahead."

"Why have you never had a girlfriend?"

Because I was waiting for you but then you met Joel…

The room was silent except for the TV.

"Oh, shit, I did offend you. I'm sorry I'm such an insensitive jerk," Livvy apologized.

"No, it's fine. I guess I'm just shy, and I haven't really met anyone I liked enough to date."

That was a lie. I was looking at her, talking to her, she was curled up to me and it was so great…

I expected Olivet to respond, but she didn't. Then I heard the sound of light snoring. She snored when she was sick; it was the only time she did.

I smiled down at her smooth, peaceful face. She looked like a little kid curled up like that, for once not worrying about anything. It was never like that when she was awake.

I secretly liked it when Livvy got sick. Not that I enjoyed her feeling crappy; I hated seeing her in any kind of pain. It was just that she was so uptight; like with her grades. She took everything so serious all the time. Being sick forced her to slow down, relax. It made her seem more human, and somehow more endearing than usual; softer, in a good way.

I loathed Joel.

….

I entered the office to find Olivet dancing to "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John.

When she noticed me, she cried merrily, "Dance with me, Johnnycake!"

"I c-can't."

"Of course you can!"

"I'm not any good at dancing…"

"Neither am I!"

She looked pretty good to me.

Before I knew it, she had pulled me close to her and I was dancing, whether I liked it or not. Livvy was singing along loudly, trying unsuccessfully to hit notes as high as Elton John.

Her arms were around me and she kept doing stuff with her hips. Her hair was bouncing everywhere and it smelled so nice.

We twirled and leapt and it was so wonderful. Really, I hadn't remembered ever being that happy. She was so gorgeous. And so smart and funny and she always listened to what I had to say and she actually thought I was worth something, actually worth something_._

I felt so warm and our faces were real close and at one point I could've…

Then the song ended and Livvy seemed to remember that she had a boyfriend.


	25. Chapter 25

Although moving from one room to another made him tired, Johnny wanted to go to one of our favorite places; a grassy hill on a trail where we used to walk the dog.

One weekend afternoon we decided to go, Mom coming with us to supply extra help for Johnny.

We stopped repeatedly; Johnny needing to rest every couple of minutes. Finally, we made it to the bottom of the hill. The climb looked even steeper than I'd remembered.

"We don't have to do this," I told Johnny, who was looking up the hill worriedly.

"Yeah, we do," he replied, as he started to ascend. I told Mom we'd call her later when we needed to be picked up, and she left more easily than I thought she would. I put my arm around Johnny's shoulders, to support him, while we slowly climbed to the top of the hill. He was breathing so heavily, but when we made it to the top, his eyes lit up.

"It's just how I remember it," he breathed, staring wondrously across the broad field of grass. The sun was just beginning to set to the right, and to the left was a panorama of all the houses nearby. Golden rod was growing in the grass. Johnny sank down and just looked at the sky, his eyes as enraptured as a baby's, discovering everything for the very first time.

I lay down next to him, and we just stayed like that for a while, neither of us talking, both understanding what an absolute crime speech would be at that very moment. The sky above us was endless. I wondered absently who the owners of the houses were. Who had kids? Who hated their jobs? Who actually did something, ever did something, that made them happy? Who was in love?

Then I stopped thinking.

I sat up and put each of my legs over Johnny's. He didn't ask anything. He just kissed me gently and lifted my shirt over my head. I undid the button and zipper of his jeans, as he undid mine. I smoothly removed his shirt, careful not to hurt him. He unhooked my bra with astonishing ease, throwing it in some direction. I looked down and was relieved to find that I wasn't wearing a silly pair of underwear. At some point we both said "I love you." Blackbirds flew above us.

I know the first time's supposed to be awkward and disgusting, but it wasn't. I'm not going to describe it more, because I really can't.

To know how it felt, you would have to lie on the top of a grassy hill under the just setting sun with blackbirds flying in the sky and houses in the distance, and have sex with your favorite person in the entire universe, who's enormous black eyes are staring at you, when you both know that he might pretty soon die and your mom is probably worried about where you are. And I don't care if adults would say that we were committing an unseemly act or whatever. I loved Johnny more than fusilli with six layers of parmesan, more than The Lumineers, more than the_ Harry_ _Potter_ books, more than any other person, more than hot glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts, more than _The Breakfast Club_, more than Snoopy.

It was the time, the place. I'm not going to use the word perfect because nothing's perfect and if it were that would be boring.

All I can say is that with my nonexistent religious beliefs, that was the closest to heaven anyone could ever get.

**This is one of my favorite chapters. I hope you enjoyed.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, each time I get one it makes my day, so please keep it up!**

Coming home from school, I walked into the kitchen to find Johnny standing next to the freezer, devouring vanilla ice cream out of the carton.

When he heard me laughing at him, an expression spread across Johnny's face much like the look our dog had been wearing when we'd arrived home once to discover her sitting on the sofa.

"Aww, did your boyfriend dump you?" I mocked.

"Say what you want. I think I'm having a religious awakening," Johnny defended, gulping more ice cream as if he were being timed.

"No, I'm happy to see you eating anything, let alone with such unbridled enthusiasm. Carry on, good sir."

"My mouth's just been so dry lately," he explained between bites. That made sense. Dr. Ling had mentioned that Johnny might have mouth sores, and his gums might even bleed.

"Do you want to try it? It's really good," he offered.

I nodded and he spooned the ice cream into my mouth while I got out a sheet of binder paper for homework.

"Fucking yum!" I exclaimed. "That's what _I'm_ talking about. You're right. Although it probably tastes even better to you right now."

"Oh, you have no idea. This stuff rocks my world."

"Do I have reason to be jealous?" I inquired.

"Not yet. I'll let you know if things heat up between us though," he said, practically making out with the ice cream; devouring it so intently.

"So it's helping your mouth?" I asked sincerely.

"Yeah, it helps a lot."

"I can start making you milkshakes, too, if you want. The Polish girl in me really wants to fatten you up." I would just be happy if he reached something close to what he used to weigh. He was skinny even then but now he looked like a fucking Olsen twin.

"Yeah," Johnny said animatedly. "That would be great."

"Okay, we'll just have to get some more ice cream because after this little maneuver of yours I don't think there'll be any survivors."

Johnny nodded his agreement, continuing to shovel in ice cream.

I began tonight's math homework.

"Oh, your favorite," Johnny said sarcastically, knowing that I had an on and off relationship with math that had been off quite frequently lately.

"It's actually not _too_ scary tonight."

"That's good to hear," Johnny said. He coughed a little. Suddenly it occurred to me how stuffy he had been sounding.

"Getting sick, honey?"

"I think I might be," he said, sniffling thickly. "I was even more tired today than I always am."

"Okay, well we'll just have to keep an eye on you," I said assuredly. "We'll go to bed early tonight."

….

That night when the guys were over for dinner, they noticed how stuffy Johnny sounded, coupled with the fact that he was even more exhausted than usual.

"Coming down with something, Johnnycake?" Two-Bit asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Johnny answered.

"That's why you're going to drink this," I said, striding over from the blender where I'd been standing. In my hand was a tall glass of smoothie.

"What is that?" Ponyboy asked in a horrified voice, taking in the thick green substance.

"It's health in a glass," I said, trying my best to sound positive like Soda always somehow did.

"It more closely resembles Jabba the Hut in a glass," Two-Bit said, cracking up at his own joke.

"Honey, I'm not drinking that," Johnny said while slowly backing away from it. Even Mom looked skeptical.

"It has all the vitamins Dr. Ling mentioned. You only need them more when you're sick," I said in a pleading voice.

"Why don't you drink it?" Steve asked.

I started to protest, to say I wasn't the one with a cold in addition to leukemia, but then Johnny spoke up.

"I'd like to see that."

"Okay, alright," I said, acting like I didn't care. "I'll do it. I'll show you how delicious it is. We're a team. Solidarity."

I gulped it down, and then immediately wished I hadn't.

"Ladies and gentleman, duck for cover. She's gonna blow!" Two-Bit shouted, disappearing under the table.

Johnny gave me a smirk.

"How are you enjoying that health in a glass, Liv? Is it delicious?"

I flipped him off, and then sprinted to the bathroom to spit out the nasty stuff. Everyone's laughter was audible from the kitchen.


	27. Chapter 27

Johnny was sweating but couldn't seem to stop shivering. Shivering wouldn't really be the correct word. More like convulsing. He'd never had a fever this bad before.

He was stretched out on our bed, clad only in a pair of boxers. He'd wanted more clothes because he felt so freezing, but Mom and I wouldn't let him because we were trying to bring down his fever.

I kept sponging his body off with a wash cloth soaked with ice cold water while Mom made him drink glass after glass of water.

Nothing was working.

When Mom took his temperature and it read 105.2, we drove to the hospital.

Johnny was delirious, just sleeping with his eyes open, mumbling in some language he'd made up.

He threw up without any energy or will to move his head away from himself. I'd neglected to bring a bowl or bucket. The putrid smell pervaded the car. I just sat there and read him "Annabel Lee" by Edgar Allen Poe, the only poem I had completely memorized.

Barbara shot up from her chair in the nurses' station when we entered.

"Oh, honey," she whispered, looking at Johnny, vomit all over his clothes, trembling unmanageably.

She got him into a room, and was then replaced with a grim-looking Dr. Ling.

"Johnny's infected with pneumonia," he told us. "In Common ALL patients, the mortality rate is sixty five percent. You…" his voice shook, as if he were about to burst into tears. Weren't doctors trained to have their shit together in these situations?

Finally, he continued. "You have to prepare yourselves for the eventuality that Johnny may not recover from this."

** Thanks for reading, please review!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey guys, hope you enjoy and please review!**

"So then if we just go to Costa Rica…"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cade, based on your husband's condition, it doesn't seem like we would be able to treat him in time."

"What do you mean _in time_?" I growled. "In time for what? We're the ones who are going to come to Costa Rica and get your treatment. All you have to do…"

The receiver went dead.

I pretended I was still talking to the receptionist of the medical center, and started cursing her out.

"Livvy," Mom began, placing her hand on my arm. I shook it off as if it were an irksome fly.

Dr. Ling had come in awhile ago to tell us that Johnny was getting weaker, and the question wasn't really if anymore, it was when.

But he would live. Of course we'd both thought of this before, but I had never decided to let him go.

Mom was lying in bed with Johnny, holding him. Barbara was sitting in a chair next to his bed, stroking his hand.

"Livvy, this should be you," Mom said. "I know he wants you more. He keeps asking for you. There's nothing left to do. You just need to be with him."

"No," I said, shaking my head furiously. "No, I have to call back the treatment center in Costa Rica. I'll get him a spot. If we take him tonight, just catch a plane…" My voice caught a little on the last word, but I pushed through it, determined to succeed, to keep him alive.

"Oh, baby, you're never gonna make it to Costa Rica," Barbara nearly moaned in a heartbroken voice that was cracking constantly.

"You just need to be with him," she continued. "This is the most important time. He wants you so bad. You're his girl."

"I have plenty of time to be his girl. He isn't going anywhere. Right now my job is to keep him alive," I responded resolutely, while frantically pacing around the floor.

"Livvy," Johnny croaked for the umpteenth time since we'd arrived.

"Is there anything you need, honey?" Barbara asked gently. "Anything I can do to make you more comfortable?"

Johnny shook his head.

"I need Livvy. I need her to help me. I'm cold, I don't feel good, I need Livvy to make it okay like she always does. Livvy."

Barbara and Mom both gave me the same look.

"Livvy," Barbara said so softly I wasn't sure if she'd actually spoken. "It's time. This is the time you have with him. Let him spend his last few hours in your arms. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you miss this."

"Johnny," I walked over to him. He stirred slightly and reached out a hand to me, but I refused to take it. "Johnny, we've gotta leave, alright? We're gonna go to Costa Rica and get you all fixed up. Then, there'll be no more hospitals, no more doctors and nurses, no more feeling like this. Just you and me. And then, and then…" my voice rose. "…we'll go to Ireland and just get married. We'll live there too, like we always talked about, and it will be so green, and I'll write and you can paint. There's so much to paint there! And we'll do it all the time and have a bunch of babies and…"

"Can we stay here a while longer, Liv?" Johnny breathed. "Please? I'm just so tired… and cold. Can you…" his breathing caught. "…come over here and just hug me? Please Liv…" he wheezed. "Please Liv, I just want you."

"I have to make a phone call," I said, walking out.

….

I was standing by the vending machine, doubled over, silently counting to sixty in French, when a hand reached out, holding an inhaler. I took it and puffed twice. In my panic, the mild asthma had caught up with me.

I looked up to realize that the hand with the inhaler had belonged to Dr. Ling.

"Your mom mentioned the asthma once."

"Wow, what a superhero. Now if you'll excuse me I really need to call back that treatment center…" I tried to walk away, but Dr. Ling stuck his leg out in front of me.

"You're not going anywhere," he said, dropping down on a chair close to the vending machine, patting the seat next to him.

"Well, Olivet, I learned on the first day I met you that you don't have much tolerance for small talk."

"Yeah?" I asked bitingly, with no idea what his point was._ This_ sounded like small talk.

"Ten years ago, my wife died of breast cancer. Stage four," he said bluntly. Dr. Ling lifted his left hand; there gleamed a silver wedding band. I examined my own left hand, with its silver banded moonstone ring. Johnny had given it to me awhile ago as a sort of makeshift engagement ring.

"Okay," I said.

"Her last day, I was absolutely immersed in finding her some outlandish treatment plan, like there was something that could be done about it that I had merely been overlooking all the time up until then. I came to check on her to discover that she had already died. The last person who got to comfort her, to hold her, was Barbara. Not me, her husband of twenty-seven years."

"Moral of story?" I asked.

"Don't let Barbara steal your man. Go in there and really matter. This is one of the few opportunities life will give you to do something that's actually important."

I started to leave, but then turned around.

"Dr. Ling?"

"Yes, Olivet?"

"Thanks. I guess you're cool," I deadpanned.

He gave a little curtsy, and I reentered Johnny's room.


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey my amazing readers! Hope you enjoy and as always, please review. You have no idea how much your continued support has meant to me. I love you guys!**

When I came in, Johnny seemed much more lucid than he had been before.

He attempted a grin when he caught sight of me.

"Hey, beautiful," he whispered.

"Hey," I said, for some reason nervous around him for the first time in my life.

Mom and Barbara both discreetly left the room, Mom telling Johnny she loved him.

I climbed into the bed and wrapped my arms around Johnny, laying my head gently on his chest.

"You… came back," he said, clinging to me, trying to get even closer than we already were, which wasn't exactly possible.

"Of course I came back. You're my fella. I'll always come back for you," I said matter-of-factly.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. I could barely hear him.

"What do you have to be sorry for, silly?" I said, trying to sound cheerful.

"I'm sorry I couldn't," he gasped in pain and I nearly jumped, prepared to run out and get Barbara. "…marry you." He finished. "I really wanted to."

"I did too, sweet boy. But you can't apologize for dying. I mean, if there is a big guy up there," I pointed to the ceiling, "won't that kind of piss him off?"

Johnny let out a laugh that sounded vaguely coughy. "I might have a day before he can inflict his wrath on me. Maybe… he's busy… willing a football team to win."

I laughed with him.

"Or making someone get laid on prom night, because _that's _what's important."

Johnny looked at me seriously.

"Tell me a really crappy part of this for you."

"Besides my boyfriend dying? I guess just not knowing what the point of us was. I mean why did we have to fall in love if we were going to get such a short amount of time together?"

"Livvy, no," Johnny said, stroking my hair. Why the hell was _he _comforting _me?_

"We mattered," he argued. "You turned my whole life around. If I hadn't been living with you when I got this, what, would I have had to deal with it while living under my parents' roof?"

I visibly shuddered and Johnny held on to me even tighter.

"I mean, the Curtis brothers would have tried to take care of me, but golly, they wouldn't have had the money for all the hospital bills. Darry would have had to take seven more jobs."

He went on. "And y_ou_ specifically, you made such a difference. Because of you I got to experience being in love. I actually started feeling like a real person, like I had a future, that there was a reason I had been born in the first place. I never thought someone would mean as much to me as you do, Liv. You made me feel like my life was worth something; I was alive to love you, to watch you writing at three in the morning, to dance with you, to kiss you. The thought of kissing you alone was enough motivation to get me up in the morning."

"I thought we'd grow old together, that's another crappy part," I whispered. "I wanted the whole deal: matching rocking chairs on the porch, hearing aids, making cookies for grandkids, clubbing people just for walking faster than us."

"Me too," Johnny said quietly. "But I want you to still have all of that."

"I don't think I will, Johnny. I think you were it for me."

"No, I'm not. You'll see. I'll bet you you'll move on. And he'll probably be taller than me," he said in a mock resigned tone.

His eyes glowed like the gallant southern gentleman he'd always been.

"I love you, Olivet Waters."

"I love you, Johnny Cade," I said, still in a whisper.

"Can you tell me a story?" Johnny asked. "One of the things I'll miss most is your writing."

"Just something made up?"

"Mmhmm."

"There was once a girl and a boy," I began. "The boy had been living with the girl since they were little kids, and one day they realized they were in love."

"What took them so long?" Johnny questioned impatiently, closing his eyes.

"I really don't know," I said, laughing, and then continued.

"The boy and the girl miraculously made it through everything shitty in their lives, like school, living with the girl's parents, and the biggest obstacle of all, the boy's leukemia. They moved to Ireland and got married and lived in a secluded little cottage by the water. And the girl wrote and the boy painted, and they went swimming and had lots of hot sex…"

"I like this story," Johnny murmured, eyes still closed.

"Me too," I said, a weak smile playing on my lips, and continued. "They had ponies and babies and eventually the ponies made other ponies and the babies made other babies…"

"Pony sex, interesting way to go," Johnny breathed.

"And they sat together in matching rocking chairs and made each other take heart medicine and yelled at each other in their little old people voices and they still had lots of hot sex. That boy and girl were horny little old folks. And one night when they had done everything they had wanted to do in life, and they were tired and ready to go to sleep, they got into bed, held each other," my voice broke. "…and they died together in their sleep after living their whole lives together."

That's when the machine flat lined.

Johnny was dead.

** The next chapter will be the last.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey guys! Last chapter of Part 1. Yes, I said Part 1. More will be mentioned **at** the end.**

I wasn't exactly conscious the whole car ride home. Mom kept saying things and I think she was crying pretty hard, but I really can't be sure.

She dropped me off at the house and said something about having to sort out paperwork at the hospital and was I going to be alright.

I nodded and she left.

I was alone; Dad wasn't home. Sitting down on the couch without thinking about it, I noticed two bottles of wine on the cabinet nearby. One of them Mom had obtained by working on a political campaign, the other had been a gift.

I hated the taste of alcohol, but I picked up the first bottle anyway, and unscrewed the top. I chugged it, only halfway tasting.

Right as I was finishing the second bottle, Dally entered through the front door.

"Oh, hey kid. Johnny awake? I brought him some of that ice cream he's so into now," he looked at me more closely, and suddenly seemed to realize something was amiss.

"What the hell, Liv? You're drinking now? What's wrong?"

I didn't respond.

"Huh?" he pressed impatiently. "What happened?"

"Johnny died."

Dally's face clouded over.

"No, he didn't," he protested in disbelief, like he thought it was some kind of joke.

"He did. Just now," I slurred.

Then I did something that I don't at all understand, even now. I lifted my shirt over my head and then just lay on the couch, waiting.

Dally came over, and without anything resembling excitement, feeling, emotion, or passion of any kind, undid my pants, slid off my underwear, and then proceeded to do the same for himself.

He came hard, but I didn't really feel it. Instead I only felt numb, like I was on Novocain and was watching this take place from a great distance.

Dally fumbled for the zipper of his jeans, and slipped back out the door wordlessly. That would be the last time I ever saw him.

Out of nowhere tears began pouring down my face.

I stumbled down the hall and managed to crawl into bed. This only made me feel worse; the sheets and pillows smelled like him. I turned the pillow sideways so that I could hold on to it, then buried my face and cried.

I don't know how long this went on, but eventually I heard someone opening the door.

Thinking it was Mom, I tried my best to hold back the sobs, swiping a blanket over my face.

But it was Soda. And he looked just like I felt. His face was red, his eyes were puffy, his nose was runny, and a batch of fresh tears was starting to flow down his cheeks. He looked like a sad little boy; like a five year old who couldn't find his mom in a crowd.

When he looked at me he seemed to at once understand what had happened.

"Can I sleep with you tonight? Sandy's gone," he said in a voice that matched the face.

I patted the spot next to me and moved about an inch over.

Soda got into the bed, pulling the covers tight around us both, and for awhile we just watched each other cry. It reminded me of the day my old dog, Rox, had died. Mom and I had done the same thing. It had been the worst day of my life, and I'd vowed to never cry like that again. I guess that was royally fucked.

…..

I sat up, disoriented. I immediately regretted it as out of nowhere, my stomach gave a lurch. I reached for the basin on the dresser that had been there for Johnny, and emptied anything my stomach had been retaining.

Johnny… where was he? When I caught sight of Soda, breathing lightly in his sleep, I remembered and immediately wanted to throw up again.

How are you supposed to cope with the loss of your favorite person?

What now?

What's even the point in continuing?

There wasn't.

Careful not to wake up Soda, I ventured into the garage. Digging through everything we were storing, I finally found what I'd been looking for: the gun.

Directing it at my chest, I pulled the trigger.

** If you would like to read on, there will be a Change of Plans: Part 2. It will be uploaded as a separate story. I will try to post it as soon as I can, but I don't want to rush myself and get writer's block. I strongly encourage you to read the second part if you had a shred of interest in this story. Thank you so much to everyone who has read "Change of Plans!" I hope that your interest will continue and you will read the second installment.**


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